The Secret Behind The Good Wife
by purplepagoda
Summary: It was never really a secret that Kathryn had always wanted another child. When she finds out that she's pregnant it should be the happiest day of her life, right? Instead it turns into a secret that she hides from her husband, but why? Will he ever be able to understand her decision?
1. Note In The Pocket Of A Blue Dress

She sits at her desk, in front of her computer. She is in a complete trance. She doesn't even realize that Daphne is standing in front of her.

"Did you hear me?" Daphne questions.

Kathryn looks up. "I'm sorry, I was distracted, I didn't even hear you come in. What did you ask me?"

"Do you want to go to lunch with me?"

"No thank you. I've got a lot of work to do."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, sweetie, but thank you for asking."

"Are you ok?"

"Of course."

"Are you sure? I've barely seen you all week. You've been hiding away in here for days."

"I just need some time alone."

"Is there something going on that I should know about?"

"No. Enjoy your lunch."

"Do you want me to bring you back something?""No I'm fine."

Daphne leaves the room. She tries to shake the feeling that something is wrong, as she climbs into her car.

* * *

Kathryn sits in her office, at her desk. The screen of her computer is blank. She has yet to even turn it on, and it's afternoon. Her head throbs as she sits there, consumed by her own thoughts. She tries not to think about her family, and the irreparable damage that she has done to it. Her anxiety rises as she hears the door open. The footsteps move in her direction. John appears in the doorway. He smiles at her.

"Hey I'm on my way to a business lunch do you want to come?"

"No thank you."

"Are you sure?"

"After all of the lunches about the education bill that I had to endure I think that I will pass."

"I thought you might want to spend some time with me. I've been really busy lately, and I haven't been a good husband."

"I kind of just want to be alone."

"Kathryn are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she insists.

"Is there something going on that I need to know about?"

She shakes her head, "I am just trying to work on something, and I need some time alone."

"I completely understand. I will leave you to it then."

* * *

Bay looks over at Daphne. She shakes her head.

"I cannot believe that you talked me into this."

"Don't worry she is at the grocery store. She won't be home for hours."

"I hope not. If she finds us snooping through her office she is going to kill us."

"This is kind of a public place I doubt that she would hide anything in here."

"I would just like to point out how wrong this is, on so many levels."

"Because you aren't the one who came up with it?"

"Because she is our mother."

"Let's look in her closet."

Bay rolls her eyes as she follows Daphne out of the room. They wind up in Kathryn's closet. Bay flips the light on. Daphne closes the door.

"It might help if we knew what we were looking for."

"I will know it when I see it."

"That really inspires confidence Daphne."

"Just keep looking."

"Remind me again why we are doing this? This is just based on a hunch, right?"

"She is hiding something."

"She has a right to keep things from us, she's an adult."

"Something bad," Daphne clarifies.

"There is nothing in here but clothes, and shoes," Bay points out.

"There has to be something," Daphne argues.

Bay reaches into a pocket of a dress. She pulls out a crumpled piece of paper.

"What is it?" Daphne wonders.

Bay stares blankly at the post it note. She shakes her head. "It's just a bunch of numbers."

"Let me see," Daphne holds out her hand.

Bay places the bland yellow colored sticky note into her hand.

"It looks like a date and time."

"So what are the other numbers?"

"One five two six."

"Maybe they are lottery numbers, we don't know."

"One five two six?"

"Is it an address?" Bay questions.

"There is no street name. We will never figure it out based on the number."

"Maybe it's the last four digits of a phone number?"

"We will never find out who it belongs to with the last four digits."

"You are not helping."

"Four numbers?"

"Maybe it's a P.O. box, or the combination to a lock. It could be a million different things. A lock box. The last four numbers to a bank account. The last four of someone's social security number. A room number, it could literally be anything."

"A room number," Daphne answers.

"That is what you want to say it is? That is fine with me. Can we be done with this now? We need to get out of the closet before she comes home."

Daphne follows Bay out of the room. Halfway down the stairs Bay turns to Daphne. She nudges her arm.

"Why do you think it's a room number?"

Daphne shrugs, "I don't know."

"You're lying."

"Have you seen the way that Chip looks at her."

"You can't possibly think that about her."

"No, but I can think it about him. He is a player."

"She would never do that. She wouldn't cheat on anyone. She doesn't even cheat on her taxes."

"I know."

"And yet the expression on your face tells me that you are considering it as a possibility. Why?"

"Because I know Chip."

"And I know my mother. She is not that kind of person."

"People make mistakes," Daphne reminds her.


	2. Coming Apart At The Seams

Daphne finds John in the kitchen eating a banana, before heading off to the office. He is already dressed in his suit, and tie.

"Where is Kathryn? She is usually up before you are."

"She's not home."

"Did she have errands to run?"

"Why are you so interested in her whereabouts all of the sudden?"

"I just wanted to talk to her before we headed out."

"You will have to wait until she gets back."

"So after work?"

"She is out of town."

Daphne furrows her brow, "What? Since when? She didn't mention it to me?"

"It was a last minute speaking engagement. She will be back on Monday."

"Monday? Today is Thursday. Where did she go?"

"Chicago."

"When did she find out?"

"Yesterday I guess. She told me last night."

"Who took her to the airport?"

"She took herself."

"You didn't offer to drive her?"

"Daphne her flight was at four thirty. What is with this game of twenty questions that we're playing?"

"Nothing. I am just worried about her," she admits.

"Don't. She is working. She has been working. She just needs some peace and quiet to do that."

"Right," she nods.

"Did you want to go with her?"

"No," she shakes her head.

* * *

She sits in the privacy of a hotel room, behind locked doors. She looks out the window at the city below her. She feels guilty about being so secretive. She looks down at her watch. It is nearly time for her to go. But she can't help but think back to the last time she was in a room like this.

* * *

_She knocks on the door of the hotel room. He pulls the door open, and smiles at her._

_"Kathryn I am glad that you could make it."_

_She holds a laptop case in her right hand. _

_"Come in."_

_He ushers her into the room. _

_"You said that you wanted my help with a bill."_

_"Yes. As I explained to you before it is a very bi-partisan bill. I think that it is something that John and I can actually agree on for once. I just need help with some of the phrasing, so I thought that I would call you in."_

_"I'm happy to help," she places her laptop case on the table in the corner of the room. He moves towards the table. She looks at him, nervously._

_"I was surprised that you asked me to help you with this."_

_He changes the subject, "You look incredible in that dress."_

_"Thank you, but we are here to write a bill," she reminds him._

_He takes a step closer. He smiles at her, "Of course."_

_"Should we get started?" she asks. _

_He reaches forward, and brushes her hair behind her shoulder. She feels her anxiety rising. Suddenly she feels regret for coming here. She feels as if she's been played, as he stands dangerously close to her. _

_She tries to calm herself. She reminds herself that it is three o'clock on a Tuesday afternoon. This is business, nothing more. She still feels as if she has been lured her under false pretenses. She stands in front of him, frozen, afraid to move one way, or the other. Before she can stop him his lips are pressed against hers. _

_He kisses her. Suddenly her anxiety turns into reality. After a moment she presses her hand against his chest, pushing him away from her. She takes a step back, putting distance between them. She looks into his eyes. He dares her to cross the line._

_"I am not going to do this. I am married. I have a family."_

_He takes two steps towards her, "That doesn't mean you don't want to."_

_"I am not that kind of a person," she insists._

_He smiles at her, devilishly, "We'll see about that."_

_She grabs her laptop case, and turns to go. She looks him in the eye._

_"No we won't. I'm leaving," she walks past him, towards the door._

_He gently grabs her arm, and turns her towards him. "Wait," he begs._

* * *

It wouldn't matter what did, or didn't happen after that. If John found out she was ever alone in a hotel room, with another man. None of the details would matter. He would automatically call her guilty no matter how much evidence there was otherwise. After years of marriage he wouldn't care. He is a lot of things, and jealous has always been one of them. She looks at her watch, and realizes that it is time to leave the room, if she is going to make it to her speaking engagement on time.

* * *

Daphne stares at the crumpled yellow sticky note. Kathryn is out of town, and John is still at the office. She finds herself drawn back into the closet. She flips on the light, and enters the closet. She goes straight to the dress that Bay found the crumpled note in. It is blue. She pulls it out, and examines it closely. Nothing looks out of the ordinary. It has been pressed, there are no wrinkles. There are no stains. It smells like the dry cleaner's. Daphne turns it around. She furrows her brow as she looks at the back of the dress.

She touches the zipper of the dress. The dress is zipped, but it doesn't look right. She touches the seam where the fabric of the dress meets the zipper. She swallows hard, realizing that it doesn't meet. Instead of meeting where it is supposed to it doesn't meet at all. The seam is busted. She shakes her head, not busted, it has been ripped. Her heart sinks at the thought.

She knows Kathryn well enough to know she would never wear her clothes tight enough to pop a seam. She returns the dress to it's designated spot in the closet. She leaves the room, turning off the lights on her way out. She races down the stairs. She finds Bay at the bottom of the stairs.

"Where is the fire?"

Daphne doesn't answer her question, "What are you doing here?"

"I couldn't stop thinking about what you said. I came to re-investigate."

"Don't bother."

"You didn't find anything?"

"You don't want to know."

"Tell me," Bay insists.

"Do you remember the dress that we found the piece of paper in?"

"I thought about it. We probably won't find anything, because I am sure that it has been to the dry cleaner since the last time that she wore it."

"It has."

"So you found nothing?"

"It was ripped."

"Ripped? I didn't see anything."

"The zipper was ripped."

"What?"

"The seam that secures the zipper was ripped."


	3. Ambush, After A Red Eye Flight

She gets home early Monday morning. She enters the house, with her suitcase, quietly in an effort not to wake anyone. As she closes the door behind her, she realizes that the kitchen light is on. She makes her way into the kitchen. She finds Daphne sitting on a stool, in front of the island. She wears her pajamas. Her elbows rest on the countertop of the island. Her chin rests on her fist.

"What are you doing up so early?"

"I wanted to be up, when you got in."

"You didn't have to get up this early."

"Yes I did."

"Why?"

"Sit down," Daphne begs.

Kathryn folds her arms across her chest, "Daphne can't it wait? I really want to go back to bed."

"No. I need to talk to you."

"About what?"

Daphne holds out the crumpled piece of paper. "This."

Kathryn steps forward. She takes the piece of paper from her. She looks at it, and shakes her head.

"What about it?"

"What do the numbers mean?"

"It doesn't mean anything. They were just notes I was taking."

"On what?"

"Page numbers of a bill I was reading."

"Really?" Daphne cocks an eyebrow.

"Where did you find this, anyway?"

"It doesn't matter."

"We can talk about this later," Kathryn insists.

"Are you sure that it isn't a date, and time?"

"I am certain."

"And the last four digits a room number."

"What are you trying to get at?"

"What does it mean? I just want you to tell me the truth."

"It was for a speaking engagement. The room number was a classroom."

"No it's not."

"Yes it is. Please just drop it."

"I know that you're lying. You didn't have a speaking engagement on that date and time. Did you?"

"I just told you that I did."

"That is interesting, because that room number was booked on that date and time."

Kathryn furrows her brow, "So? I imagine that hotels try to keep their rooms booked all of the time."

"I was able to find out who booked that room."

"What?"

"Is there anything that you want to tell me?"

Kathryn shakes her head, "No. There is nothing to tell." She grabs her bags, and leaves the room. Later that day Kathryn carries a pile of clothes through the house. Daphne is eating breakfast as Kathryn makes her way to her car.

"Where are you going with all those clothes?" Daphne wonders.

"I am donating them. I just need to make some room."

"Oh."

* * *

Bay closes the door. She looks at Daphne, shaking her head, in disbelief, once again.

"Why did you want me to meet you here?"

"I wanted to talk in private."

"In my art studio?"

"No one is going to come in here," Daphne points out, "but you."

"What's going on?"

"I asked Kathryn about the note."

"And?"

"I may have stretched the truth about what I knew, a little bit."

"She called you on it?"

"She lied and told me it was a speaking engagement, and that the last four numbers were for a classroom."

"What did you say to that?"

"I told her I knew that it was for a hotel room, and I knew who booked it."

"Do you know that?"

"I don't know, but I definitely have my suspicions."

"So what did she say?"

"She reacted badly."

"How badly?"

"She wouldn't even answer me. She walked out of the room."

"She was probably just tired. You ambushed her after a red eye flight."

"This morning she cleaned out her closet. She had a pile of clothes that she was taking to donate."

"So?"

"The dress was on the top of the pile."

"Daphne you are making too much out of all of this. The dress was probably on the pile because the zipper is broken."

"Bay I am telling you there is something going on with you."

"You really think that she would have an affair?"

Daphne shrugs, "She is guilty of something."

"With such a sleaze ball?"

"He is charismatic."

"He is full of shit. She wouldn't fall into his trap."

"What if she did?"

"I refuse to believe that my mother is capable of that."

"She is a human being."

"She is a member of the PTA, the country club, and home owner's association. She heads up church functions, and fundraisers. She is not the kind of person who would cheat on my dad."

"You just described half of the women on _Desperate Housewives_."

"Is that show even on anymore?"

"Bay that isn't the point. People are capable of things we don't want to consider."

"Ok. So if you're right, what do you plan on doing about it? Do you want her to confess? I mean what is that really going to accomplish? If dad found out their marriage would be over. That is not something he would ever forgive her for. Do you really want to be the one responsible for ruining their marriage?"

"I didn't ruin anything. I haven't done anything. If she did do something she needs to own up to it."

"And risk twenty plus years of marriage? You want her to risk everything, just so you can know?"


	4. Thinking About Broken Vows

She sits in her office, trying to work. The computer sits in front of her. It is open to a document. A blank document. She stares at the blank page trying to come up with something to write, but she can't get past her own guilt.

* * *

_She turns and looks into his eyes. She shakes her head in disbelief that he would even attempt a stunt like this. She turns to face him. Her nostrils flare, in irritation._

_"I am not going to do this. I am not going to risk my family just to satisfy some twisted fantasy you have."_

_He smirks, "Maybe you're the one with the twisted fantasy."_

_"I am leaving now," she insists._

_He takes a step closer to her, "Without a kiss goodbye?"_

_She takes a step backwards, as his proximity is making her uneasy. He moves forward, springing towards her like a cheetah rocketing towards his prey. He pushes her against the door, slipping the laptop case from her hand. He places it on the ground. She finds herself breathing heavily as he moves towards her. He puts his hand under her chin, and guides her lips to his. He kisses her, and presses his hand against her back. She pushes him away. He relents. He looks at her with a look of anger in his eyes. _

_"No," she tells him. _

_He takes a step closer. He presses his lips against her ear. He snarls, "You know you want it."_

_She pushes him, hard this time. She curses herself for ever walking into this situation. She chides herself for knowing better. This time he moves towards her with fury. He pushes her against the door. He locks the top lock that is near her head. He pulls his belt off, tossing it on the floor. She swallows hard as he moves his hand down her back towards her zipper. _

* * *

"Kathryn!" Daphne growls.

She looks up from her computer, "Yes?"

"Did you hear me?"

"No."

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Didn't your hear the phone? I have been trying to call you for the last ten minutes."

"Is something wrong?"

"No."

"What were you calling about?"

"You were supposed to be faxing over the notes on our new bill this morning."

"I am sorry. I got distracted."

"That seems to be happening a lot lately. Are you sure that you're ok?"

"Daphne stop worrying about me. I'm fine."

Daphne goes over to the copier. She takes the stack of papers off the printer.

"I'm taking these with me. Did you have a chance to go over them, and make notes?"

"No."

"What is going on with you?"

"I told you, I have just been distracted lately."

Daphne studies Kathryn's face. For the first time she notices the dark circles under her eyes.

"Have you been sleeping?"

"I sleep fine," Kathryn lies.

"You would tell me if there was something wrong?"

"You should get back to work."

Daphne nods, and leaves the room.

* * *

Kathryn finds herself thinking about the blue dress that was hanging in her closet this morning. She thinks about the torn seam, and the crumpled note that was in its pocket. Her growling stomach reminds her that she has barely eaten in days. She looks at the clock on the wall, but ignores the fact that it is lunchtime.

The following morning she is in the shower, when John comes into the bathroom.

"Hey honey I'm leaving," he informs her.

"Already?"

"Yeah I told you that I had to leave early."

"I didn't know you meant that you were leaving this early."

"I want to be on the road by six."

"I wouldn't have jumped in the shower if I knew you had to be up this early."

"It's ok. I took a shower in one of the other bathrooms. Don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?"

"Kathryn it's fine."

"I didn't get a chance to lay your clothes out last night. I'm sorry."

"Honey, don't worry about it. I am a grown man, I think I can handle picking out my clothes."

"It is better if I do it."

"I realize that sometimes it helps to have a woman's touch, so Daphne helped me pick out a tie."

"The blue one I hope? It looks so good on you. It makes you look trustworthy."

"Of course I'm wearing the blue one. I know that it's your favorite."

"Good. I'll see you later. Have a safe trip."

"I will. Love you."

"Love you too."

He leaves the bathroom, closing the door behind him. She shuts off the shower. She wraps a towel around her head, and one around her body. She wipes the steam off the mirror. In her reflection she sees a liar. A woman who is lying to her entire family. Her stomach twists into knots as she thinks about the impact her lies could have on them. She can't help but feel guilty. She looks at her face in the mirror. There are dark circles under her solemn eyes. She swallows hard not wanting to think about the sleepless nights that she has been having. The exhaustion is starting to take a toll on her body.

Later on, as she gets dressed her hands shake. She pulls on a shirt, and a pair of slacks. She doesn't attempt to put any jewelry other than her earrings on. She pulls her hair into a pony tail, and heads to her office. It has been weeks since that Tuesday afternoon, but it seem to be all she can think about lately.

As she turns the computer on she tries to shake the memory. She tries to focus on the task at hand, but she can't. Instead her glance shifts to her left hand. She looks down at her wedding band. The guilt eats at her as she thinks about broken vows.


	5. From The Other Side Of The Bed

It's Saturday morning, and she's home alone. Her house is completely empty. Her husband and son are both working. Bay is with Regina, and Daphne is doing research at the library for a senate bill. She sits on the edge of her freshly made bed. The door to her bedroom is securely closed. She stares at her bare toes. They are painted pink. She finds herself going through a list of things to keep herself busy. Really it's a list of things to keep her distracted. Keeping herself distracted seems increasingly more difficult with each passing day. She prays that she can keep her secret from coming out. The guilt of lying to her entire family eats at her. She feels as if she's got a hole in her soul. She wonders what would happen, if they knew.

* * *

_She looks over at the body lying in the bed next to her. She looks to her right, at the clock on the bedside stand. It is still Tuesday afternoon. The man lying next to her is passed out. She slides out from underneath the covers, and hurriedly gets dressed. She grabs her laptop case, and leaves the hotel room. _

* * *

She looks over at the seat across the table from her. Within seconds it is filled. She is at the country club, for lunch. Regina sits across the table from her.

"This is nice," Regina admits, "Just the two of us having lunch, with no one else."

"Yeah."

"So is Daphne home?"

"She and John will both be working until who knows when."

"And Toby?"

"Is at the car-wash."

"He has been working really hard."

"Yeah."

"Does it bother you to be home alone, in a house that big?"

"That isn't what bothers me," Kathryn answers.

"It is Saturday, and still no one is home."

"I am used to it through the week, but I thought we could actually spend time together as a family this weekend. That never seems to work out the way I plan. Bay had other plans."

"She and Angelo went to some art gallery opening."

"Why didn't you go?"

"I had to meet with a client."

"Toby had to work because they are doing some fifty percent of detailing special, or something."

"What about John, and Daphne?"

"John had a business meeting, and Daphne was doing research for a bill."

"So your plan quickly evaporated."

"Right."

The waiter comes up the table, "What can I get you ladies to drink?"

"Water is fine," Regina answers.

"Water," Kathryn adds.

"You don't have to drink water just because I'm here," Regina comments, as the waiter walks away from the table.

"Their iced tea is always too sweet."

"You are so adventurous," Regina says, sarcastically.

"I don't want adventure. I just want my family to be home so that I can sit down with all of them and have a meal. I don't think that should be too much to ask."

"I agree."

"Oh well."

"Are you ok?" Regina probes.

"Of course."

"You seem as if there is something bothering you."

"I just told you."

"Something more. I get the sense that there is something that you don't want to talk about."

"I don't want to talk about another senate bill as long as I live."

"That isn't what I meant."

"Regina I'm fine."

"There is something bothering you. Why don't you just tell me what it is?"

Kathryn shakes her head, "Sometimes I just wish things went according to plan that is all."

"That is never going to happen, you know that, right?"

"It doesn't stop me from hoping."

* * *

That night she is reading a book when her husband finally comes home. He hops into the shower, and then climbs into bed with her. She puts her book down, and looks over at him.

"How was your day?"

"It was good. We made a lot of headway with our new bill," John explains.

"You guys were working late."

"Eleven thirty isn't too bad."

"You went in at six this morning."

"I am sorry, it took longer than we expected," he explains after noticing a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"It always does."

"How was your day?"

"Fine. I didn't get much accomplished. I went to the grocery store, and ran some errands. I had lunch with Regina. Nothing too exciting."

"I thought you were going to have family dinner."

"How can I have a family dinner when none of you are around?"

"Bay and Daphne didn't come?"

"Daphne was at the library all day researching a bill for you."

"And Bay?"

"She had better things to do."

"Well what about Toby?"

"He has that special going on at the car-wash."

"I'm sorry, honey."

"It's ok," she responds as she rolls over and turns off the light. She remains on her side, on her pillow close to the edge of the bed. He moves closer. He kisses her cheek.

"Don't," she growls.

"Where is the attitude coming from? I haven't seen you all day, and now that I'm home you don't want me to be near you?"

"I'm tired. I am grumpy, and I just want to go to sleep."

"I love you," he whispers into her ear.

She snarls, "I'll love you a whole lot more from the other side of the bed."

He scoots over, allowing her some space. "What is with the attitude? Did I do something to offend you?"

"No."

"Then why have you been so cold lately?"

"I'm not being cold, I am tired."

"You don't even let me touch you. What's the problem?"

"I have been up since four o'clock this morning. I just want to go to sleep. Why can't you understand that?"

"What were you doing up at four a.m. on a Saturday?"

"It is the same time I always get up."


	6. Lying In The Dark

_He presses her body against the door. He presses his body against her. His fingers grapple for the zipper of her dress. She begs for him to stop. He successfully removes her dress, despite her best attempts to prevent him. He grabs her by the arms, manhandling her. He pushes her towards the bed. He pushes her onto the bed. He kisses her neck. She draws her leg back. She pushes her foot into his chest, knocking him off balance, causing him to fall on his ass. He stumbles to the ground in nothing more than a pair of boxer shorts. She pushes herself off the bed, wearing nothing more than a bra, and panties. She scrambles towards the door. He grabs her foot, pulls her down with him. She nearly hits her head on the frame of the bed. _

_He pushes himself up off the floor. Determined to get out of the room, and away from the situation she pushes herself to her feet. She finds herself stuck between him, and the bed as she rises to her feet. He pushes her onto the bed again. He pins her arms above her head so she can't hit him. _

* * *

She sits straight up in bed, in a cold sweat. She looks over at her husband as she gasps for air. He sleeps soundly, in bed next to her. She finally catches her breath. She looks over at the clock. It's nearly four a.m. Through the crack in the curtains she can see that the moon still hangs high in the sky. She pushes back the covers, and dangles her feet over the edge. She climbs out of bed, and heads across the room towards the bathroom.

She flips on the bathroom light, and closes the door behind her. She locks the door, and stops at the counter. She stares at herself in the mirror as she grips the edge of the counter. She tries to control her breathing, because she can control nothing else about the situation.

As her reflection peers back at her in the mirror all she can feel is numb. She still has heavy dark circles under her eyes, despite the application of many expensive beauty products to correct them. She looks pale, and exhausted. She has barely slept in weeks. Each night's sleep abruptly ended the same way, close to the same time, every single night for weeks now.

* * *

_She sits on the edge of her bed, with the door closed. It's Saturday. None of her family is home, despite her attempts to make plans for dinner with them. Part of her feels angry that they have so little consideration for her. The other part of her is thankful that there is no one home to watch her. There is no one to question her about anything. She has been running through her to do list in her head. No matter how many things she adds to the list one thought keeps creeping up to the top of the pile. She stares at her powder pink colored toenails. If only everything could be like freshly painted toenails. If life could be pretty, and shiny all the time. _

_Or pink. She shakes her head, thinking about what a poor color choice it is. It isn't a bright pink. It is muted. She shifts her glance to something else. Her eyes fall on another shade of pink. This pink is bright, and can't be missed. It is such a small area of color, but it refuses to go unnoticed. The bright pink color refuses to dissipate. No matter how much she wants for it to disappear, it refuses. _

_The proof in her hand stares back up at her. She swallows hard, trying to choke back the harshness of reality, and tears that threaten to fall. She blinks, praying maybe she is mistaken. When her eyes open nothing has changed. The same hue of pink she saw earlier continues to look at her. She exhales slowly, but her mind races. _

* * *

The knock on the bathroom door nearly makes her jump out of her skin. She looks at the door.

"Are you ok in there?" a voice from the other side of the door questions.

She steps away from the counter, and moves towards the door. She pulls it open a crack.

"What are you doing up?" Kathryn questions.

"I got up to pee, and saw the light on."

"Oh."

"What are you doing up so early?" Daphne wonders.

"I had to pee. Daphne go back to bed."

"Why was the door locked?"

"Habit," she lies.

"Are you sure that you're ok?"

"I am fine Daphne," she lies. "Don't worry about me. Go back to sleep."Daphne leaves the room. She returns to her room. Even after ten minutes of tossing and turning she can't go back to sleep. The feeling at the pit of her stomach tells her that something isn't right. There is something that she is missing. She climbs out of bed, and tiptoes back down the hallway. She stops in the doorway of John, and Kathryn's room. The light peeking out from underneath the bathroom door is enough to illuminate part of the room. John lies in bed alone. Daphne approaches the bathroom door again. In an instant she decides to bang on the bathroom door, and demand to know what's going on. She stops in front of the bathroom door. This time the door isn't locked, as she touches the knob. The door is new, and it doesn't make a noise when opened. She twists the knob, and pushes it open a crack. After a couple of seconds she closes it, and makes her way back to her room.

She crawls into her bed, and throws the covers under herself. She tries to scrub the mental image from her mind. Her thoughts race as she considers what she's just seen. As she lies on her side, staring at the red digits of the alarm clock all of the pieces of the puzzle start to fall into place. She grabs her phone off the nightstand. She unlocks the screen, and composes a text message.

_WAKE UP!_ She sends the text message to Bay. After ten minutes Bay still hasn't responds. Daphne tosses, and turns in her bed, praying for sleep to come.

She turns to look at the door, thinking she heard something. Maybe someone opened the door. There is no one at the door. She moves towards the door, and peeks outside. No one is there. As she locks the door behind her, she convinces herself that maybe she's just being paranoid. She moves towards the counter.

She reaches out, and turns on the sink. She allows the cold water to run as she reaches for a washcloth. She soaks the washcloth in cold water. She washes her face in the frigid water. It doesn't help. She doesn't feel anymore awake. She definitely doesn't feel rejuvenated. She still feels exhausted, and numb.

As she opens the medicine cabinet to remove her toothbrush her hand trembles. She starts getting ready for the day, fully aware that she isn't going to be able to fall back asleep. After brushing her teeth, and her hair she flips off the light, and exits the bathroom. She heads into her closet, to find something to wear.


	7. Heavy Burden Of A Big Lie

She is unable to select an outfit, before she returns to the bathroom. Once again she locks the bathroom door behind her.

* * *

_She screams, and fights as she lies on a bed in a hotel room, on a Tuesday afternoon. She pulls his hair, and scratches, and tries to wriggle loose. Her efforts prove futile. He removes her undergarments in one swift move. She finds herself underneath of him struggling to get free._

* * *

_She leaves the hotel. She drives away, but not towards home. She pulls into a parking lot. Before exiting the car she flips open her visor. She looks at herself in the rearview mirror. She wipes away smeared mascara. She takes a deep breath, and exits the car. She enters the building. She approaches the desk. A nurse looks up at her. She smiles, recognizing her._

_"Can I help you Miss?"_

_"Yes," she admits._

_"Miss..." the nurse begins to say her name._

_Kathryn quickly cuts her off, as she shakes her head, "Jane."_

_The RN furrows her brow. "Jane?"_

_"Smith," Kathryn responds. _

_"How can I assist you today?"_

_"I... I..." she is unable to form enough intelligent words to string together a sentence._

_The nurse studies her appearance, "Take your time."_

_Kathryn spells something to her in ASL. The nurse watches her fingers. She doesn't miss a beat. She comes out, from behind the desk. "Come with me."_

_She leads her into a private exam room. She closes the door behind them. She holds onto a clip board. Kathryn's heart feels as if it going to beat out of her chest. She breathes heavily. The anxiety overtakes her. She looks over at a trashcan that is nearby. She vomits into it._

* * *

She sits on her knees, on a rug, on a tile floor, in the bathroom, in front of the toilet. She lurches forward as she empties the contents of her stomach into the porcelain bowl.

* * *

_Sitting on her bed, weeks later, on a Saturday she holds the proof in her hands. She swallows hard as she stares at the tiny pink plus sign. Her anxiety rises, and her pulse quickens as she thinks about the reality._

* * *

She flushes the toilet, and closes the lid. She rises from the spot on the floor. She takes a seat on the lid of the toilet. She has been keeping things from her family. She has been keeping secrets from her husband. She has been lying to her daughter. She has been distancing herself from the people that she loves, because she can't risk them finding out the truth. She leans forward resting her head in her hands. She can't keep the tears from falling. She tries to convince herself that no one ever has to know the truth. Even she doesn't buy that, because she will always know. She can't take any of it back. She can't take the events that occurred that Tuesday afternoon weeks earlier. She can't control the pharmaceuticals that weren't effective. She can no longer ignore the signs that she has for weeks. After all, one stupid pink plus sign is all that it takes to change someone's life. It's all the proof someone needs, to set them over the edge.

* * *

Daphne tries to ignore all of the evidence she has collected. She tries to let go of all the peculiar behaviors that Kathryn is exhibiting. By Thursday she can't handle it anymore. It's early evening, and she has come home early. She stops in the doorway of Kathryn's bedroom. She finds that the light is on, and there is an empty suitcase laying on the bed. She steps into the room, even though she doesn't seen Kathryn. She follows the light into the closet. She stops in the doorway, when she finds Kathryn sitting on the floor. She sits on the floor of the closet, with her back to the doorway.

"Kathryn?"

Kathryn turns her head, and looks at her. She exhales, and quickly pulls herself together. She stands up, and swirls around. She looks at Daphne.

"What do you need, sweetie?"

"What are you doing?"

"Trying to decide what to wear."

"Where are you going?"

"I have another speaking engagement tomorrow."

"How long will you be gone for?"

"I should be back on Monday."

"Do you want help packing?"

"No. I am almost done," she admits.

* * *

Daphne waits for her to leave about an hour later. She follows her to the airport. In the parking lot, she can no longer take it. She gets out of her car, and meets Kathryn at hers. She slides into the passenger's seat, and locks the door. Kathryn looks over at her, in surprise.

"What are you doing? Were you following me?"

"Why don't you just tell me what is going on. I hate that you're hiding things from me."

"Daphne there are some things that you are just better off not knowing."

"Like the fact that you don't have a speaking engagement this weekend?"

"What makes you think that?"

"It wasn't on the calendar."

"It was last minute," she lies.

"You are O.C.D about the calendar. If you got a call ten minutes before you had to be at the airport it would be on the calendar."

"I am sure that I put it on the calendar."

"You put D.C. on the calendar for tomorrow."

"See, I told you. That's where I'm going."

"No, you're not. If you were going to D.C. dad would be going with you."

"Like I said it's last minute."

"And I checked with the airline you aren't on any flights to D.C."

"Daphne I have a plane to catch. I cannot have this conversation with you right now."

"You are going to San Francisco. Why?"

"Daphne I have a speaking engagement early in the morning. I don't want to miss my flight."

"A speaking engagement, or an appointment?"

Kathryn furrows her brow, "What?"

"You aren't going to D.C. It occurred to me what D.C. stood for on my way over here."

"District of Columbia?"

"It wasn't DC. It was D and C."


	8. Unsavory Answers

"Excuse me?"

"Dilation, and Curettage."

Kathryn looks at her, but can find nothing to say, in response.

"You're going to San Francisco, because it is far enough away that no one will know you. No one will know that you are getting rid of the only evidence that you had an affair."

"Where is this coming from?"

"I saw you in the bathroom the other morning. Then everything made sense."

"Daphne you really think that I had an affair?"

"Yes."

"And that I'm pregnant?"

"I just told you that."

"You are being completely ridiculous, and way out of line."

"Why won't you just tell me the truth?"

Kathryn pops the trunk. She unlocks the door. She gets out of the car. Daphne follows her. Kathryn grabs her bag out of the trunk. She slams the trunk closed, and locks the doors. She unzips the top pocket of her suitcase. She reaches inside past her sunglasses, and chewing gum to a secret pocket. She reaches inside, and pulls out a piece of paper. Without a word she hands the slip of paper to Daphne.

"What's this?"

"Sometimes it is better off not knowing the answers to your burning questions," Kathryn tells her coldly.

"This conversation isn't over," Daphne argues.

"Go home, please," Kathryn begs.

Kathryn walks past her. She blinks away tears as she heads towards the entrance of the airport.

* * *

Daphne drives home, unsure of what's just happened. She returns to the house. She takes the piece of paper, and goes to her room. She closes the door to, and turns on her laptop. In the light of her room she stares at a hospital bracelet. The name on it is, _Jane Smith. _It has a date, and a patient I.D number. On the back of the I.D. bracelet is another number. She searches the number. Finally, an hour later she locates a match. She furrows her brow, when she realizes what she's found.

The following morning she finds herself at the courthouse. She waits in line at the clerk's office. Finally she reaches the front of the line.

"Can I help you?" the clerk asks rudely.

Daphne nods, and smiles sweetly, "I need a copy of a police report."

* * *

She is sitting at the dining room table, eating a bowl of cereal for dinner. She can't take her eyes off the white pages of paper that are sandwiched into a manila folder. She is so consumed with what she is reading that she doesn't notice that someone is sitting behind her. Someone gently touches her hand. She looks up, praying it's not John. She finds Bay sitting next to her.

"Where is mom?"

Daphne shrugs, "Not here."

"What are you reading?"

"Nothing," she lies.

"Can I see?"

Daphne flips the report back to the first page. She slides it towards Bay.

"Where is dad?" Bay questions.

"Still at the office."

Bay begins to ready the report. She gets halfway down the first page, and turns and looks at Daphne.

"Why are you reading this? Where did you get this? Is this research for some new bill, or something?"

"No," Daphne admits.

"So why are you reading it?"

Daphne flips to the back of the folder. She pulls the hospital I.D. bracelet out of the file. She hands it to Bay. Bay carefully scrutinizes the bracelet. The only thing that stands out to her is the birth date.

"Where did you get this?"

"The police report? I got it from..."

Bay cuts her off, "The bracelet."

"Kathryn had it," she answers.

"What?"

The silence consumes the room, and the space between them. Bay's glance falls from Daphne's face. She turns to the file in front of her. She reads it cover to cover. Finally after returning the bracelet to it's previous resting spot she looks at Daphne.

"Are you sure?"

"I confronted her. She gave me the I.D. band."

"Does dad know?"

"I don't think so."

"Why would she hide this from us?"

* * *

By the time that she makes it to her hotel it is midnight in San Francisco. She falls asleep within ten minutes. Within two hours she is wide awake. She makes a beeline to the bathroom. She sits on the cold, hotel bathroom floor. She finds herself sitting upright, wondering about how clean the toilet is, between bouts of nausea.

She crawls back into bed nearly to hours later. She lays there staring at the clock knowing that it will be alarming in just a few minutes. She flips on the lamp, but remains lying. She refuses to get out of bed until the alarm clock actually goes off. By her calculation she has exactly eleven minutes.

"Why is this happening to me? What did I do to deserve this?" she asks aloud.

It is nearly midnight the following night. She hears shuffling outside her door. She figures that it is one of the team of baseball players staying on the same floor. She hears a beep, and the door to the room opens. She rolls onto her side, and flips on the light. She figure in the doorway closes the door. Kathryn rubs her eyes.

"What are you doing here?" She questions.

"I knew that I wouldn't be able to sleep all weekend," Daphne admits.

"You shouldn't have come."

"Someone had to."

"Where does your father think that you are?"

"With you in D.C.. I told him that I thought we should spend some quality time together, because I felt bad that I haven't been making time for you."

"He bought that?"

"It took me an hour to convince him that I needed to spend time with you, alone."

"I see."

Daphne takes a seat on the edge of the bed. She swallows hard, as she looks at the woman who gave birth to her. Kathryn looks completely exhausted. She has dark circles under her eyes. She's paler than usual. Daphne notices, for the first time that her pajamas are looser than usual.


	9. The Kind Of Thing You Lock Away Forever

"I am sorry that I invaded your privacy," Daphne apologizes.

"I wouldn't answer any of your questions."

"You pretty much railroaded me."

"I am sorry. There are just some things that a parent, and a child should never discuss, as long as either of them live."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be," Kathryn insists.

"Have you told anyone?"

"No."

"Have you talked to anyone?"

"It isn't something I would want to talk about."

"You should talk about it. You should see a professional."

"Daphne your father is in the senate. I..."

Daphne shakes her head, "That is one of the things I hate the most about you."

Kathryn furrows her brow, "That your father is in the senate?"

"You are so loyal. You are so consumed with being a good wife, and a good mother. You always consider how things might impact the rest of the family. You never give pay heed to what you need, or want. You are always so concerned with the way things look. It as if what you feel doesn't matter."

"Because it doesn't. In this situation it doesn't matter. No one needs to know. This is my burden."

"It isn't one you can carry by yourself," Daphne argues.

"I have to."

"This secret is going to eat you alive," Daphne warns.

"I will get over it."

"Get over it? How do you just get over something like that?"

Kathryn shrugs, "I will let you know when I figure it out."

"You don't eat, you don't sleep, you don't even write. You are shutting down, and shutting all of us out. That is not getting over it. That is avoiding it."

"It is the only way I know how to deal with it."

"It is a big secret to keep," Daphne adds.

"Daphne don't worry about me. It is my secret to keep."

"And for the past seven weeks you have kept the secret to yourself. You haven't breathed the truth to a soul, and you are not yourself. Do you really think it is a secret that you can live with the rest of your life? Is it something you want to take to your grave?"

"I have always done what I had to for this family. I always will. My family means everything to me."

"You are the center of the family. You are the glue that holds everyone together. If you fall apart, we all fall apart."

"Daphne I really don't want to talk about it."

"I read the report. I realize that there are a lot of things that are not in that report."

"Daphne, I'm tired. Can we please talk about this in the morning?"

"You know him," more of a statement than a question.

Kathryn doesn't answer.

"It is someone that you know?"

"Daphne it doesn't matter."

"How did we get here?" Daphne probes.

"Get where?"

"Me finding you in a hotel room, in a city that you have always hated. You're here completely violating all of your beliefs, and you won't talk to anyone."

"Daphne I really don't want to talk about this."

"When did you find out?"

"Not long ago," she admits.

"But how long did you suspect?"

"Over a month."

"Didn't..."

Kathryn cuts her off, "I guess that it didn't work."

"You shouldn't have come here alone. It wasn't something you should have to go through alone."

"You shouldn't be here."

* * *

_It's Wednesday evening. She is at the country club for an event. Her husband is busy mingling with all of the other members. She sits at the table, alone, in no mood for socializing. She looks up from her drink, and glances across the room. She quickly returns her eyes to her drink. She finishes off another glass. Sometimes she regrets ever becoming part of the country club. She definitely regrets coming here tonight. She doesn't feel comfortable in a dress, and heels so soon after everything that has happened._

_Of course she feels obligated to be here. Refusing to accompany her husband here would throw up a red flag. Not just for him, but everyone that knows her. She knows how important it is to keep up appearances. The waiter hands her another drink. Her mind races as she looks up, and sees his face across the room. _

_He stands next to his wife, smiling, as if he lives in a fairy tale. A fairy tale that doesn't include him cheating on his wife, or using, and abusing women. He tries to be the hero in his fairy tale, but she knows the truth about him. She knows that he is the villain. _

_It has been eight days since the last time she saw him. If only she could go another eternity without seeing his face again, but even that would be too soon. She polishes off another glass of alcohol. She is so consumed in her own thoughts that she doesn't notice someone walking towards her. They pull out a chair, and take a seat next to her._

_"I didn't know you were coming," Kathryn comments, looking at Regina._

_"Angelo told me that I had to."_

_"I see."_

_Regina surveys the table. The other members of the table are mingling. There is a collection of empty glasses._

_"Drowning your sorrows?" Regina questions._

_"They're," Kathryn looks at the glasses in front of her, "I guess that they're all mine."_

_"It is obvious to me that you don't want to be here. Why don't you fake a stomachache, and I'll take you home. Then we can both get out of here."_

_"Ok," she agrees._

_By the time that she gets home she isn't faking a stomachache. She crawls into bed, still in her clothes. Her head throbs, and her stomachaches. She closes her eyes, and tries to fall asleep. The alcohol eventually takes over, and she drifts off, forgetting her troubles for a while. _


	10. A Sense Of Impending Doom

_She flips through the calendar. She sits at her desk, doing the best she can to maintain her composure. She makes note that she has a speaking engagement the following day. She looks at the date. Despite her best attempts not to think about it, she counts up the days in her head. It has been sixteen days, since that Tuesday afternoon that will forever be burned into her memory._

_She shudders at the thought. Suddenly she feels nauseous. The feeling passes just as quickly as it appears. Her mind races, automatically starting down a dark, and dangerous path. She allows her mind to play roulette with the possibilities. She questions what if. _

_To distract herself she clicks on her e-mail. She begins sorting through her mail. She clicks through one at a time. Most of them are insignificant, and require no response. She clicks to the next email. A picture pops up. It is an invitation to a baby shower. As she stares at the image of a baby carriage a knot starts to form in her stomach. Suddenly she is washed over by a feeling of impending doom._

* * *

Daphne has barely fallen asleep, when the feels the vibration of a door closing. She wakes up, and looks at the clock. She looks over at the empty spot in the bed. Kathryn is no longer in bed. She lies in bed, waiting for her to return. After ten minutes she is still in the bathroom.

Daphne crawls out of bed. She stops at the bathroom door, and waits. She contemplates whether or not she should go in. She knows that it will be an invasion of privacy. She reminds herself that she has already completely invaded Kathryn's privacy. She grips the door knob, halfway hoping that the door is locked, so she cant' see what's going on inside. The knob twists in her hand. She pushes the door open, and enters the room. She closes the door behind her.

She watches in horror at the scene that unfolds in front of her. Kathryn sits in front of the toilet, on her knees. Daphne stands behind her silence. Kathryn doesn't turn to look at her, even though that Daphne is certain she knows she is there. Kathryn begins to lurch forward. Daphne grabs her hair, before her head reaches the toilet bowl. She holds it as she vomits. This is an all to familiar scene to her. Except this time it isn't as simple as someone being hung over. She looks at the counter, and sees Kathryn's hairclip. She grabs the black clip, and secures her mother's hair. Kathryn turns at looks at her nearly adult daughter. She shakes her head.

"Go back to bed," she insists.

"I am not going anywhere," Daphne argues.

Kathryn doesn't get a chance to argue. She turns, and rockets forward towards the toilet bowl once again.

An hour and a half later Kathryn crawls back into bed, feeling defeated. Daphne climbs into bed, next to her. Kathryn lays on her side, facing Daphne.

"Get some rest," Kathryn begs.

"Is this every day?"

"It's a great way to start the day off, huh?"

"For how long?"

"It lasts all day. A couple hours in the morning. And, then an hour around lunchtime, and before I go to bed. And at least a couple of times in between there, somewhere."

"I thought you came here, because..."

Kathryn cuts her off, "I did. You weren't wrong."

"Your appointment was yesterday."

"I know."

"What happened?"

She shakes her head, "I don't know."

"You didn't do it?"

"No."

"Why not?""If I could explain it I would."

"What does this mean? What are you going to do?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"I am sorry about what I said to you, at the airport. I didn't mean it. I didn't know that..." she trails off, "I never would have said that, if I had known."

"Don't apologize. You have nothing to apologize for."

"Why don't you extend your trip? I can stay with you."

"I don't want you to be here."

"I am just trying to help."

"Daphne I don't want you to be a part of this. I love you, but you shouldn't be here for any of this."

"Someone has to be."

"No one has to be involved in this, but me. I am the only one who needs to know anything about this, ok? You are too young to understand."

"You're right, I don't understand. I don't understand why you are having such a hard time making this decision."

"None of this is easy."

"I really think that you should talk to John. You should tell him what is going on."

"I would prefer for him not to go to prison for murder. He never needs to know. There are some things that should never be discussed, and this is one of them."

"So you are just going to suffer in silence? You are going to do this all on your own?"

"Daphne I don't have a choice."

* * *

Bay picks Daphne up from the airport. Daphne tosses her bag in the back, and slams the door as she gets into the vehicle.

"That was a short lived trip. You came back a day early. What happened?"

"Nothing," Daphne lies.

"Obviously something happened, because you look pissed."

"It's nothing."

"Did you talk to her?"

"She doesn't want to talk about it."

"Can you blame her? I mean did you read the same police report that I did?"

"I don't blame her."

"Then why are you so angry?"

"I will never understand why she thinks that her feelings matter less than everyone else's. she would rather be completely miserable on her own, than be honest, and..."

Bay cuts her off, "And what? What good is going to come of her telling everyone?"

"Maybe she will realize that she doesn't have to go through it alone."

"She needs some time."

"Time? That isn't what she needs. She needs justice."

"Daphne..." Bay tries to reason with her.

"She didn't tell them his name. She didn't even give them her real name."

"Can you imagine what would happen if she did? The press would get a hold of the story, and it would be front page news. It would turn into a scandal of he says, she says. I can't blame her for not wanting that."

"What kind of example is she setting?"

Bay shakes her head, "I don't expect her to be setting any kind of example for anyone right now."


	11. A Fine Line Between The Truth And A Lie

"She was raped," Daphne whispers.

"And blurting that out, in public to a roomful of people is not going to help her."

"So she is just going to let him walk? She is going to let a predator, a rapist walk free, because she is afraid that it will ruin someone's chances at re-election?"

"It is a private matter. She doesn't want the entire world to know."

"Why not? She wrote a book about us being switched at birth."

"Daphne this is completely different, and you know it."

"She deserves to never have to look at him again. Bay he is a member of the same country club we belong to. He hangs out with a lot of the same people that we do. How can she possibly get over something like this, when she has to see him, all of the time?"

"I don't know," Bay shrugs, "Daphne you don't know that it's him for sure."

"And you don't know that it's not."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore, can we just go?"

"Of course."

"Thank you."

Bay pulls out of her parking spot. She leaves the airport, and heads towards the Kennish estate. Stopped at a red light she looks over at Daphne. She taps Daphne's arm to elicit her attention. Daphne looks up.

"What?"

"What aren't you telling me?"

"The light is green," she answers, avoiding the question.

Bay looks up, at the light. She accelerates. Daphne refuses to look at her.

* * *

She watches her mother, as they sit at dinner. The dinner is filled with conversation, since there are seven people gathered around one table. It is one big, dysfunctional family. Bay participates in the conversation, but she never takes her eyes off her mother. John offers her the bottle of wine, which she passes up. Bay watches her mother, as they eat. She pushes the food around her plate. When dinner is over Kathryn washes the dishes as Daphne dries them. Bay puts the dishes away. As she puts the dishes away she notices how tired Kathryn looks.

After dinner Bay heads home with Angelo, and Regina. As she lies in bed that night she plays dinner over, and over again in her head, until she falls asleep. In the morning she heads back to the Kennish estate. She parks her car, and heads into her studio. After a while she heads into the house to get a bottle of water. She heads into the kitchen, and grabs a bottle of water. She finds her mother sitting in the dining room reading the newspaper.

"Anything good in the paper?" Bay questions.

"The same thing that is always in there," Kathryn admits.

"So, pretty much nothing?"

"That sounds about right. I thought that you were going somewhere with Regina today."

"We are going to lunch later. I am just in my studio, right now. I am trying to finish up something I started last week."

"Oh."

"Mom?"

"Hm," she looks up from the newspaper, with her glasses on.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine, Bay."

"Are you sure? You haven't been yourself lately."

"I'm just tired," Kathryn admits.

"Ok, but if it were something more than that you would tell me."

"Of course. Bay you don't need to worry about me."

"Do you want to go to lunch with us, later? I think that Daphne is going too. It is a new Thai food restaurant that they opened up that we have been wanting to try."

Kathryn swallows hard, "I think that I'll pass."

"From the reviews that I've read they have amazing curry."

"I think I'll pass," she pushes out her chair, and vacates her seat.

"Where are you going?"

"You'll have to excuse me," she responds racing out of the room.

Bay shrugs it off, and turns to go back to her studio, as the door slams. She leaves the house, and heads towards the studio. She stops dead, when she gets inside. Her mind races, and her stomach churns, as she begins to connect the dots.

* * *

She has Daphne meet her early. Daphne takes a seat across the table from her.

"Why did you want me to meet you here early? You know Regina won't be done with her client for at least fifteen more minutes."

"I know, that is why I wanted you to come early."

"What do you mean?"

"I didn't want her to be here. I wanted to talk to you, privately."

"In the middle of a restaurant?"

"It's about mom," she responds.

"What about her?" the words fall heavily from her lips, like lead.

"I noticed at dinner she just isn't herself."

"And?"

"She didn't drink any wine."

"What are you getting at?" Daphne wonders.

"It occurred to me this afternoon, when I asked her to join us for lunch. Actually it occurred to me, after she left the room."

"What did?"

Bay stops speaking. She begins to sign, "Is she pregnant?" she allows her fingers to ask.

Daphne looks at her, in silence. She doesn't sign anything, she says nothing.

"Daphne?" Bay looks at her questioningly.

"We shouldn't be talking about this," Daphne warns her, "here."

"I am worried about her."

"So am I."

"And I am kind of pissed that dad is so self-involved that he doesn't even notice there is anything wrong with her."

"Maybe it's best if he doesn't."

"So are you going to answer my question, or not?"

"Bay..."

Bay's fingers ask her again, "Is she pregnant?"

Daphne responds to her, signing quickly. "Not anymore."

"Oh," the words barely escape Bay's lips. She looks up, and finds Regina approaching them. She joins them at the table, and reads their facial expressions.

"What are the two of you talking about?" Regina questions.

"Nothing," Bay lies.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm starving," Daphne changes the subject.

"I have been thinking about this place all week," Bay admits, carrying on the conversation, moving it past Regina's question.


	12. Signs Of Guilt, And Other Sins

_She sits in a waiting room, at an office, far from home. She stares at the magazines on the table. Her daughter's words play back in her head. As she anxiously awaits for her name to be called she feels guilty. She feels guilty for the whole situation. She feels as if she is in the wrong, sitting here, doing what she is about to. She thinks about the kind of example that she's setting. Suffering in silence. She looks at a magazine on the table, in front of her. _

_Parenting magazine, how ironic. Maybe it has been placed there intentionally, maybe not, she can't be sure. She stares at the picture of a bald, toothless baby, with bright eyes. She feels her heart breaking, knowing that no decision she makes is going to be the right one. She knows no matter what she decides, or how this plays out she may always feel broken._

_She may always feel guilty. Her soul will burn with the fire of a secret she never let fall from her lips. She hides behind a veil of shame, and disbelief. She tries to convince herself that she could have stopped all of it. Maybe if she had chosen differently she wouldn't be sitting here, now. Maybe she wouldn't be here, with tears in her eyes, and smeared mascara. _

* * *

She wipes a tear from her face. She's in her pajama's with the lamp on, as she lies in bed. The book she's been reading is lying on her lap. She breathes heavily, trying to shake this burden that she's been carrying. Daphne is the only one home. She knows that Daphne can't hear her stifled sobs. She swallows hard, and tries to will herself to stop crying, to stop feeling sorry for herself. She hears footsteps coming down the hallway. She looks up at the figure in the doorway.

"What are you doing home?" she questions.

"I live here," he answers.

"I meant what are you doing home so early?"

"It's almost nine o'clock, it isn't that early."

"You haven't made it home before ten in weeks."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it."

He steps farther into the room. As he approaches her, the light from the lamp illuminates her face.

"What are you doing in bed so early?"

"Just reading," she answers.

"Kathryn, are you ok?"

"Yeah."

"Why have you been crying?"

She looks away, breaking eye contact. He is giving her an opportunity to come clean. She looks at her book. "This book is just so sad," she lies.

"What's it about?"

"It's just a sappy girly book. It's nothing you would be interested in."

"Maybe you shouldn't read if it makes you cry."

"But it's so good. I have to finish it."

"Ok. I'm going to jump in the shower," he tells her.

* * *

Regina stares at her daughter, as she sits on the couch reading a magazine. She can't take her eyes off of her. Bay looks up from the article that she is reading.

"Why do you keep staring at me?"

"Something you said earlier."

"When?"

"Yesterday, at lunch," she responds.

"We talked for over an hour at lunch yesterday. You will have to be more specific."

Regina signs something to her.

Bay shakes her head, "I don't know what that means. I am not familiar with that sign."

"You used it yesterday."

"Did I? I must have signed the wrong thing. I do that more often than I would like to admit."

"Daphne didn't correct you."

"She probably knew what I meant."

"She responded to you."

"I don't remember what she said."

"Why are you lying?"

"Lying, about what?"

"You said something about being pregnant."

"What? I did? I didn't mean to."

"Are you sure about that? She answered you by signing, 'Not anymore.' Who were you talking about?"

"No one. I think you misinterpreted, or maybe I did."

"Bay, what is going on, here? Is someone pregnant?"

"No."

"Not anymore?" Regina probes.

"No one is pregnant."

"Who was pregnant?"

"No one."

"Daphne?"

"Daphne?! No. We most certainly were not talking about her."

"You? Was it you?"

"No. It isn't me. We weren't talking about her, either."

"I don't know which part of what you're saying I should believe. You tell me that you didn't know what you were signing, but obviously you did. You say that it's not either of you, am I supposed to believe that, too?"

"Neither of us are pregnant. I am certain of that. We are seventeen years old."

"That doesn't mean anything. It wouldn't matter if you were fourteen, or in these times, even twelve."

"Neither of us are pregnant."

"So then who were you talking about?"

"A friend from school."

"A friend from school? That is the oldest answer in the book."

"Can you just drop this, please?" Bay begs.

"You don't want me to find out the truth? Bay I will find out.

"It isn't me, and it's not Daphne. Please just trust me when I tell you that you don't need to know."

"So neither of you would object if I made you take pregnancy tests?"

"I would object, because that is completely ludicrous, but they would both be negative. I can assure you of that."

"So who are you trying to protect?"

"It doesn't matter," she argues.


	13. Small Spaces, And Large Confrontations

They sit on the bed, in Daphne's room, with the door closed.

"She asked you what?" Daphne quizzes.

"I am not going to repeat it."

"She really thought that it was one of us?"

"Yes," Bay confirms.

"I can't believe that she even noticed what we were talking about."

"I think it is one of those words that is on the mother radar. If they hear it they don't even care what the rest of the conversation is about. They automatically assume the worst. We could be talking about a stray cat, and we would probably be met with the same demands.

"What demands? There were demands?"

"She is going to make each of us take a test."

"What?! When?"

"Now. That is why I'm here."

"You have got to be kidding. Did she already buy them?"

"No. She said she wouldn't settle for urine. We have to go get blood tests."

"What is her problem?"

"I wouldn't tell her the truth."

"I don't blame you."

"Daphne?"

"Yeah?"

"When you said, 'not anymore', are you sure?"

"I am fairly certain, why?"

"How do you know?"

"We had a blow out, and she had an appointment to, you know."

"She told you that?"

"She didn't tell me that. I just found out. She confirmed it."

"Oh, ok."

"Why?"

"Did she already go?"

"Yes, why?"

"Are you sure?"

"Bay what is going on?"

"When I asked her to ask us for Thai food she looked queasy. When I mentioned curry she left the room. I heard the bathroom door slam."

"You think that she didn't go through with it?"

"Have you met her? She doesn't even like to kill mice. We got a mouse in the garage once. She wouldn't even put out traps."

"How did you get rid of it?"

"Dad took care of it."

"You honestly think that she didn't go through with it?"

Bay shrugs, "I don't know, but we should probably go get our blood tests, if we don't want Regina to be suspicious."

"She already is."

"Maybe we can buy some time."

"Until what?" Daphne wonders.

* * *

A few weeks pass, and Kathryn struggles to keep her secret. She comes out of the bathroom, just before lunch. When she opens the door she finds Bay standing outside, with her arms folded across her chest.

"There are four other bathrooms in this house, why are you standing outside this one, waiting?" Kathryn wonders.

"We need to talk."

"About the four other bathrooms in the house?"

She points to the bathroom.

"What?" Kathryn questions.

"What were you doing in there?"

"Using the facilities. What do you think that I was doing?"

"We should go in there."

"Why?"

"To talk in private."

"About what?"

"I don't think you would want Dad to hear, if he comes home from lunch."

"Hear what?"

"Please just humor me," Bay insists.

Kathryn follows Bay into the smallest bathroom in the house. Bay closes, and locks the door behind her. Kathryn stares at her daughter, feeling incredibly uncomfortable being trapped with her in such a small space. Bay points to the bathtub.

"Maybe you should sit," she instructs, as she closes the lid on the toilet.

"Are we taking a camping trip in here?"

"Please," Bay begs as she lowers herself to the closed toilet lid.

"Why are we hiding in the bathroom?"

"It is well insulated."

"Are you cold?"

"Mom I know."

"You know, what? That it's well insulated in here?"

"I know everything."

"Bay I don't know what you're talking about," she tries to pretend.

"I was with Daphne when she found the note in your pocket. She told me about you donating the dress to charity. I read the police report. I know everything."

"Bay I asked her not to tell anyone."

"She didn't tell anyone. I asked her."

"Bay I'm fine. Please don't worry about me."

"And at dinner the other day, I started to notice something else."

"That I didn't even ask you to do the dishes?"

"That you passed on the wine."

"So?"

"You passed on the wine. You look pale, and exhausted, like you haven't slept in months. You look pasty, as if you haven't been in the sunlight in ages, or you have an iron deficiency, or something. You were wearing a belt with pants that you never needed a belt with before. Your clothes don't fit. And, then when I asked you to go to lunch with us a few weeks ago, you bolted out of the room."

"Is there a question in there somewhere?"

"How long do you really think you can keep a secret like this? It is self-limiting isn't it?"

"Bay I don't know what you're talking about."

"What is your plan, exactly? I mean it isn't as if it is just going to go away. It isn't like by not talking about it, it will magically disappear. You can't wish it away. You might be able to hide it right now, but you can't hide it from yourself."

"Bay you don't understand," Kathryn insists.

Bay shakes her head, "You're right. I don't understand. You're pregnant."

Kathryn remains silent.

"You haven't told dad. You haven't told him the truth about any of it. Are you planning on disappearing on an imaginary trip for months to keep him from finding out?"


	14. Running Instead Of Telling The Trut

Kathryn says nothing to her.

"Mom?"

"Bay I can't talk about this."

"Then do something about it. You have to face it, at some point."

"But you don't have to know anything about it."

"I already do."

"Bay this is none of your concern."

"You are my mom. You going off the deep end, that is my concern."

"I am fine."

"How many times do you think you have to say that, until you can convince yourself."

"You don't understand this."

"Are you going to have it?"

She shrugs, "I don't know what I am going to do."

"It is kind of a time sensitive situation, don't you think?"

"I know that."

"Why would you put yourself through this."

"You can't possibly understand."

"Then try to explain it to me," Bay begs.

"I love you."

"I know that, don't change the subject."

"I'm not, that is my point. I have always loved you. I will always love you. I am your mother, and even DNA cannot change that."

"DNA is a really crappy reason to put yourself through hell. What are you planning on doing?"

"I don't have a plan. I don't know how this is going to turn out."

"You aren't doing anything. You are just letting it happen. You didn't do anything to..." she trails off.

"To what?"

"What about all the other women that come across his path? What about them? I understand that you are trying to protect the family, and that you don't want this to be everyone's business. I understand that, but how can you be ok with the idea that he might do this to someone else?"

"I try not to think about it."

"How can you not?"

"Maybe, I am too busy feeling sorry for myself," she suggests.

Bay looks at Kathryn, and she catches a rare glimpse of weakness, and vulnerability in her mother's eyes.

"How long ago did this happen?"

"You said that you read the report," Kathryn responds.

Bay does the math in her head, "Twelve, and a half weeks ago. It sounds to me like you have already made up your mind."

"I haven't."

"I don't see you subjecting yourself to..."

"Bay I know that you are having a hard time understanding this all. I know that it is difficult for you to comprehend. It isn't any easier for me. I am only human."

"What do you want to do?"

"I want to go back in time, and prevent all of this from happening."

"That isn't an option. We are twelve and a half weeks past that. Are you going to have it, or not?"

She blinks, "I don't know."

"How can you not know? You have had all this time to think about it."

"Bay this is all that I think about, and it doesn't make it any easier."

"So what is stopping you?"

"I don't know if I could live with myself."

"So you are just going to let the devil's spawn reside in your womb?"

"Don't say it like that," Kathryn begs, on the verge of a breakdown.

"You don't feel that way?"

"Every single day," she admits.

"Then why are you putting yourself through this?"

"Because maybe there is someone out there who would feel differently."

"You really think that you can go through an entire pregnancy, and then be ok with placing it up for adoption? That is what you are telling me?"

Kathryn doesn't answer.

"I think that would be awesome, and noble, and completely insane of you, but..."

Kathryn cuts her off, "But, what?"

"I don't think that you can do that. You wouldn't give me back to Regina, and I don't share any of your DNA."

"I raised you for fifteen years before we found out."

"And you will carry that baby for nine months. How is it any different?"

"It just is."

"You could keep it, and try to hide the truth from dad."

"Bay I don't want to have to live the rest of my life, lying about something like that."

"You already are lying."

"I am not."

"A lie by omission is still a lie," Bay points out.

"Bay I know you want an answer. I know that you want me to tell you what I'm going to do. You want me to lay out in detail how I am going to make everything normal again, but I can't. I don't have a plan. I don't have any answers."

"Are you going to tell dad?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

* * *

He enters the bedroom to find his wife packing. She tosses items into her suitcase, the big suitcase. He looks at his watch, and then he looks at her.

"Kathryn it's ten o'clock at night, where are you going?"

"I am just packing."

"For what? Where are you going?"

"I am going out of town."

"For a month? That suitcase is humongous. Where are you going?"

"I am leaving for a while."

He frowns, "Define a while."

"More than a few days."

"Where are you going?"

"Guatemala."

"Guatemala? For what purpose?"

"I agreed to go help set up a school there."

"When? Why?"

"I just agreed today. Their project manager backed out at the last minute, so they asked me."

"And, just like that you are going to go, without even discussing it with me?"

"You do things without discussing them with me all of the time."

"Kathryn sit down," he points to the bed.

"I have to finish packing."


	15. If You Run, Run Far Away

"Can you explain to me what is going on here, first?"

"I don't know what you mean."

"Kathryn come on."

She takes a seat on the edge of the bed, near her suitcase. She takes a seat next to him.

"Honey, what is going on? You have been distant lately. You don't talk to me. You barely even want to be around me. Now you're running away to Guatemala? Excuse me for finding that a little bit suspicious."

"I love you, but I just need some time for myself. I need some space."

"You don't have to go to all the way to Guatemala to get some space."

"I need to be somewhere that I feel needed."

"We need you here. This house would fall down around us, if you weren't here."

"John, please understand. This is something that I need to do for myself."

"How long are you going to be gone?"

"A while," she reveals.

"A few weeks, a month?"

"It will take at least six months," she tells him.

"Six months? You want to leave us for more than six months? What about the girls? They are going to be graduating in the spring."

"I won't miss that."

"Kathryn, you can't do this."

"You don't understand. If I don't do this, I don't know if..." she trails off.

"If what?"

"I can make this work."

"Make this work? We have been married for over twenty years. If there is a problem in our marriage I want to know about it. Let's talk about it. Don't run away."

"The only problem is that I feel suffocated. I need to do something for myself, for once."

"I can't make you stay, but I don't want you to go."

"I don't have a choice."

* * *

Bay looks at the text message from Daphne. She sends back, _She's going where?_ _I'll be right over. _Within fifteen minutes Bay has made it to her destination. She finds the house eerily silent. She finds Daphne in her room. She closes the door as she enters the room.

"What is going on?"

"Dad left the house."

"Why?"

"He said he wanted to cool off, before he said something he would regret."

"Mom is going to Guatemala?"

"That is what she says."

"Do we believe her? How do we know that is where she is really going? I mean maybe she is just going to hide out, somewhere until this all blows over."

Daphne shakes her head, "You know it's not going to blow over."

"What am I supposed to call it?"

Daphne shrugs, "I think that we are going to have to have help."

"From who? We can't tell dad. He will go off the deep end. He will make the situation worse."

"She locked herself in the bedroom. She won't talk to me. She won't let me in."

"We've go to do something. What if she goes off the deep end? What if she leaves, and never comes back. We have to stop her."

"I agree."

"We should tell Regina," Bay suggests.

"I don't know if that is a good idea."

"Who else can we tell? It has to be someone that we trust."

* * *

Regina finds the girls in Bay's studio. She closes the door behind her, and looks at them questioningly.

"What is with the clandestine meeting?" Regina queries.

"There is something that we need to tell you," Bay begins.

"Ok. I already know that neither of you are pregnant, so go ahead."

"We think you should know who is," Daphne explains.

"Ok," Regina nods, "who is it?"

Bay looks at Daphne. Daphne furrows her brow.

"One of you needs to answer," Regina points out.

"It is really complicated. Things have gotten out of hand, and we don't know what to do," Bay rambles, "We don't know how to help her. We have to do something."

"Slow down," Regina insists, "Who are the two of you talking about? Is it one of your friends?"

"Worse than that," Bay answers.

"It _is_ one of you," Regina's heart sinks.

"No," Daphne shakes her head, "You were there when we had our blood drawn."

"Girls, who are you trying to protect?"

Daphne looks at Bay, "Are you sure that we should tell her? If she finds out that we told, she is going to kill us."

Bay shakes her head, "She can't kill us all the way from Guatemala."

Regina furrows her brow, "Guatemala? I saw Kathryn at the country club earlier, she said she was going to Guatemala."

"Yeah," Bay nods.

"Yeah, what?"

"She is going to Guatemala," Daphne confirms.

"Wait, you're telling me that it is Kathryn?"

"We aren't telling you anything, that is only what you assume," Bay responds.

"If that is the case why is it a secret? She's forty four years old. She is happily married. Why would that be a secret? Wait, if that is true why is she going to Guatemala?"

"John doesn't know," Daphne answers.

"Why wouldn't she tell him?"

Bay stares at Regina like a deer stuck in the headlights.

"Girls, what is going on? Please explain it to me," Regina begs.

Bay swallows hard, "She doesn't want him to know, because she is afraid that it will tear our family apart."

"Why is she afraid of that?"

"Because it isn't his," Daphne chokes out.

"What?! She had an affair, and now she's pregnant? Kathryn?"

"No," Bay responds.

"No?"

"She didn't have an affair," Daphne explains.

"What do you mean?"

"Show her," Bay insists.

Daphne reaches into one of the cabinets, behind several cans of paint. She grabs the folder, and hands it to Regina. Regina takes it from her, and begins to read. When she finishes she looks up at the two girls standing in front of her.

"She told you this? She said this was her?"

"She didn't tell us. We found out on our own."


	16. The Party At Fault For AColossal Mistake

"Maybe the two of you misunderstood," Regina suggests.

"Look at the birth date," Bay answers.

Regina glances at the paper, and then at the two teenage girls in front of her. They stare up at her with a look of disappointment, and confusion.

"What do you want me to do?" Regina wonders.

"Talk to her. Maybe she'll listen to you," Bay responds.

"Ok," she agrees.

She enters the house, and climbs the stairs to Kathryn's room. She stares at the closed door for a moment, before she knocks. She hopes that the girls have some how completely misconstrued the situation. She takes a deep breath. Before she raises he hand to knock she thinks about the past weeks. All of the anomalies, and out of character behavior begin to add up. As she considers the possibility of what she's just been told, things start to make sense. She raises her fist, and knocks on the door.

"Go away!" the voice inside insists.

Regina grips the doorknob. It isn't locked. She twists is, and pushes the door open. She steps inside the room, closing the door behind her. She looks ahead, at the woman sitting in front of the bed. Kathryn sits in front of the end of the bed. Her knees are drawn to her chest. Her face is red, and tear stained. Her hair is pulled up into a clip. She looks up at Regina.

"What are you doing here?"

Regina doesn't answer her. She lowers herself to the floor.

"Please go away," Kathryn begs.

"The girls asked me to come. They are both really worried about me."

Kathryn doesn't make eye contact, instead she stares straight ahead, "You shouldn't have come."

"They asked me to. You want to tell me what is going on?"

"No," she insists.

"Are you really going to Guatemala?"

"Why do you care?"

"The girls think that you are lying to them. They think you're going into hiding."

"They can think whatever they want."

"You really want to leave them, for months on these terms?"

"I don't have a choice."

"You _always_ have a choice," Regina argues.

"I can't talk about this."

"Can't, or won't?"

"You don't understand."

"Try me."

"I don't want to do this. Please just let me go."

"They need you."

She looks at Regina, and wipes the tears from her face. "I feel like I am losing my mind. I can't stay here. I can't face this. I don't want to."

"No matter where you go, you still have to face it," Regina reminds her.

"I am trying to protect my family."

"How can you protect them if you're not here?"

"They will be okay. They will be better off."

"Kathryn you and I both know that is not true. Please just talk to me."

"I don't want to talk to anyone."

"You have to talk to someone."

"How? How am I supposed to talk to anyone about this?"

"Why don't you start at the beginning?"

"Because the how, and the why, none of that matters."

"To who?"

"To John. I didn't want to tell him what really happened, I refused."

"He's your husband. He deserves to know."

"I can't tell him any of it."

"Why not?"

"If I tell him that I'm..." she trails off.

"Kathryn just say it."

"I can't even bring myself to say it. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to deal with it. I just want it all to go away."

"Then why hasn't it?"

"I don't know! I have tried. I tried, and I couldn't do it. And, I don't know why."

"Running away is not the answer."

"If I stay he will find out. There is no way to hide it."

"What do you think he is going to say?"

"My marriage will be over."

"How do you figure?"

"Because he will know. He will jump to conclusions. He would never hear me out, even if I tried to tell him."

"How can you be so certain of that?"

"With the campaign, and his health problems, we haven't... it would be impossible. It would take two seconds for him to realize that."

"And?"

"He would think that I cheated on him. He would never forgive me for that. It would be an ugly divorce, and... I can't go through that. I won't put anyone through that. It was my fault."

A light bulb goes off in Regina's head. She looks over at Kathryn, "That is what you think? You think it was your fault?"

"I don't know."

"Kathryn it wasn't your fault. None of this is your fault."

"Then why do I feel so damn guilty?"

"Because you're living a lie. You are afraid to tell your husband the truth, and for the life of me I can't figure out why."

"You have seen his temper."

"He is not going to be mad at you."

"What if he doesn't believe me? What if he thinks that I am lying to him?"

"Then maybe he doesn't deserve you."

"I don't think that I can do this."

"From what I hear, you already are."

"I just wish that I knew why."

"There are things about ourselves that we can't change. No matter how hard we try, some things just never change."

"I think that it is better this way. He will get over being mad at me for a while. When I come back..."

"You think you can come back to a fairy tale ending? You can't come back after all that time, and expect everything to be alright. You can't expect that his questions are going to disappear, because you returned."

"I know."

"What if you get there, and you can't do it?"

"What do you mean?"

"How would you explain coming home with a baby that you didn't leave with?"

"Adoption," she quickly spouts off.


	17. The Truth When A Lie Would Do Better

"No matter what choice you make you have to tell John. If you don't want the whole world to know the truth that is your prerogative. He is your husband. No matter how difficult it is to tell him, or how much you don't want to, you have to. You owe it to him. You owe it to yourself. You can't walk around your entire life carrying the burden of a secret like that. I can guarantee that it will eat you alive."

"I don't know how to tell him."

"Just tell him."

"What if I can't? What if he hates me?"

"Then you are going to have to learn how to be a better liar."

"I..."

There is a knock on the door. It comes open. John appears in the doorway.

"Can I come in?" he questions.

Regina looks at Kathryn, "I'm going to go," she says as she pushes herself off the ground. She exits the room. Kathryn looks past her husband, to the closed door. He walks around the bed towards her. He holds out a hand. She nods, and he helps her off the floor.

"You wanna tell me what's going on?"

"Not really."

"Why are you so upset? Did I do something wrong? I don't know what I did to make you feel like you have to go to another country for a minimum of six months."

"Not everything is about you," she points out, angrily.

"So then what is it that is bothering you?"

"You should sit down."

"Whatever it is, I can handle it."

"I doubt it," she disagrees.

He looks into her eyes, "Kathryn you're scaring me. Are you sick, or something?"

"Yeah," she nods, "Or something."

"Just tell me."

"Have a seat," she insists.

He takes a seat on the end of the bed. "You haven't been yourself lately what is going on?"

"I have something to tell you."

"Ok," he nods.

"And I need you to listen without interrupting me."

"I can do that."

"And you can't ask any questions, even though you will really want to."

"Why not?"

She ignores his questions, "And you can't get angry."

"Angry, why would I be angry?"

"You can't get angry."

"I won't get angry."

"And I can't tell you all of the details."

"Why not? Kathryn you're my wife. There isn't a single thing in the world that you can't tell me. You should know that by now."

"I just need you to trust me."

"I trust you with my life."

"I need you to understand that I can't tell you everything, not right now. I'm just not ready, okay?"

"Please just tell me what is going on. The anticipation is killing me. I think that in my mind I am making this way worse than it is."

"I doubt it," she says under her breath.

"You doubt it?" his eyes widen, "What the hell is going on?"

"Please don't get angry. You need to stay calm, and keep your blood pressure down."

"You are lecturing me about my blood pressure? An hour ago you told me that you are going to Guatemala for months. You are keeping something from me that I am not allowed to ask any questions about, and I am supposed to keep my blood pressure under control?"

"I'm sorry."

"Just tell me," he pleads.

She nods. She looks him in the eyes, but then looks away. She turns away from him, too scared to face him. She stares at the floor.

"I'm pregnant."

"What?! Why would you be afraid to tell me that? You are forty four years old. It isn't as if we are a couple of teenagers. Wait, is there something wrong with it, is that why you didn't want to tell me? Are you sure? Have you been to the doctor? When did this happen?" he spouts off one question after another.

She turns to look at him. She says nothing.

"How can I not ask questions?" He wonders.

"Please don't."

"How long have you known?"

She doesn't answer him.

"By the look on your face I am assuming, at least a little while."

She doesn't respond.

"Why is that a secret? Kathryn?"

She shrugs.

His mind races. He thinks back over the past weeks, and months. He furrows his brow. He studies his wife's facial expression. He swallows hard.

"Is it mine?"

He expects her to fly off the handle at him, and call him a jerk. He expects her to tell him he is out of line, and question how he could consider any other possibility. He regrets the words even as they fall from his mouth. He expects her to be appalled that he would suggest such a thing. He looks over at her, but she won't make eye contact. He sees her trying to control her breathing.

"Kathryn?!"

"I told you not to ask any questions."

He rubs his temples, "Please tell me that I am completely misconstruing this situation. Please tell me that I am just misunderstanding."

She turns, and heads to the door. He stares at her in complete shock, and dismay.

"Where are you going?"

"I can't sleep in here, tonight."

His sleep usually comes quickly, but it doesn't that night. He tosses, and turns. He wonders how he missed it. He questions how long she's been hiding this secret, and why. For the past months she has barely allowed him to touch her. She scoots away from in, when they're in bed at night. The foundation of trust their relationship is built on starts to shake.


	18. Something You Already Know

Daphne finds Kathryn in her bed. She lies on her side, staring at the door, wide awake. Bay follows her into the room. Without a word Daphne crawls into bed with her. Kathryn scoots towards the middle of the bed. Bay climbs onto the other side of the bed. Kathryn lies there looking at her two girls. She prays that they don't ask her anymore questions. They lie next to her in silence, until she falls asleep.

Bay leaves Daphne's room, sometime later. She quietly pulls the door closed behind her. She walks down the hallway. She notices that the light in the master bedroom is on. She heads towards it. She stops in the doorway. The door is halfway open. Her father sits on the side of the bed, in silence. She pushes the door open.

"It's after midnight, what are you doing up?"

"Don't worry about it Bay."

"Don't worry about it? Mom is asleep in Daphne's room. You want to talk about it."

"It is something between your mother and I."

Bay takes a seat next to him on the bed.

"Not, it's not," Bay argues.

"You know something that I don't?"

"I know that right now you are questioning everything that you thought you knew about her."

"I don't understand. Why wouldn't she tell me? Why was she so afraid to tell me? Did she tell you?"

"She didn't tell me, but I know. She knows that I know."

"You know? Are you sure?"

"I hate to be the one to tell you, but you are not the most observant person on the planet."

"You're saying that you have known for a while?"

"Yeah."

"And I completely missed all of the signs?"

"Pretty much."

"I still don't understand the way that she has been behaving lately."

"I was confused at first too. I jumped to conclusions."

"And?"

"I wish that I hadn't insisted on knowing the truth."

"Because you were right?"

"Because what I thought wasn't nearly as bad as the truth."

He furrows his brow, "What do you mean?"

"She would never cheat on you," she answers as she vacates her seat, and heads for the door.

* * *

At breakfast Kathryn is the last one to the table. Bay, and Daphne silently eat their breakfasts, while exchanging looks. John looks at them.

"Can you give us the room?" John questions.

"Sure," Daphne agrees.

They drop their dishes off at the kitchen sink, and leave the house. Kathryn doesn't make eye contact.

"You know that I love you, no matter what, right?"

She doesn't answer.

"Kathryn talk to me, please," he begs.

"I wish that I could."

"The look on your face tells me that you were even more surprised about this than I was. And I get the feeling that you are disappointed, and that doesn't make any sense to me at all."

"A lot of things don't make sense right now."

"Can I ask some questions."

"How many?"

"Three. Can I have three questions?"

"Ok," she agrees, reluctantly.

"How long have you known?"

"Weeks."

"How far along are you?"

"About twelve weeks," she answers.

"Why were you afraid to tell me?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Is it mine?" he repeats his question from the previous day.

"That is four questions."

"Kathryn what is going on?"

"You don't want to know," she replies.

"How am I supposed to take that?"

"However you want," she answers.

"I had an interesting conversation with Bay last night."

"Conversations with Bay are always interesting."

"Do you know what she said to me before she left the room?"

"It's hard to tell with her," Kathryn responds.

"She reiterated something I have always thought."

"And what is that?"

"That you would never cheat. I thought that it was really interesting that she felt the need to include that in the conversation."

"Hm."

"Kathryn, is the reason that you were afraid to tell me because there is something wrong with the baby?"

"Not as far as I know."

"You were afraid to tell me, because you don't want to have it?"

"I don't want to have it," she confirms.

"So, that means that you're not having it?"

She shakes her head, "That is not what I said."

"So you are having it, but you don't want to? Is that correct?"

"Yes."

"Why not?"

She shrugs, trying to avoid the question.

"Are you keeping it?"

"I can't answer that," she admits.

"Do you want to?"

"No," she reveals, bluntly.

"Why not?"

"I can't answer that," she replies, on the brink of tears.

"Is it mine?"

She swallows hard, and avoids making eye contact, "No," she blinks away tears.

"You would never cheat."

"No."

He rises from his chair. He walks over to where she is sitting. He squats down to her level. He wraps his arms around her, enveloping her in a hug. For the first time in months she doesn't attempt to wriggle away. She can't hold back her tears any longer, they fall like rain. She buries her head in his shoulder. She clings to him, afraid to let go.

"I'm here," he reassures her.


	19. Things Beyond The Realm Of Control

She takes a deep breath, and gets a whiff of his aftershave. She tries to push him away.

"Where are you going?"

She claps her hand over her mouth, and wriggles free of his grip. She pushes past him. She barely makes it to the bathroom in time. She doesn't have time to close the door. He grabs her hair, just as she leans forward, toward the toilet bowl. When she's finished he hands her a wet washcloth. She doesn't look at him as she scours the inside of her mouth with every oral hygiene product ever made. Finally when she is finished she turns around.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She shakes her head, "I couldn't."

"What do you want to do?"

"Crawl in a hole, and die."

"I don't think that is an option. What do you want to do about the pregnancy? I will support whatever decision that you make."

"I have discovered that I have to have it."

"Have to, why?"

"Because I can't bring myself to choose any other option."

"Okay."

"Okay? It isn't okay. None of this is okay. What are people going to say? They are going to have questions. I can't answer them."

"It isn't anyone else's business."

"What about your senate seat?"

"I'm not worried about that."

"What about..."

He cuts her off, "Kathryn nothing else matters."

"Maybe I should go to Guatemala."

"Is that what you really want? You want to go away for that long? You want to be away from the family that long?"

"No."

"So what do you want to do?"

"I just won't leave the house."

"We can hide it for a while longer, don't you think?"

"Since I can't seem to keep anything down I don't think that is out of the question. I never remember being this sick, before."

"We have to tell people eventually. It isn't as if we can't hide it forever."

"I don't want to tell them anything."

"What are you going to say when they ask where the baby is?"

She shrugs, "I don't know. Can we cross that bridge when we come to it?"

"Sure."

"I feel terrible," she admits.

"I'm sorry that you're feeling so sick."

"That wasn't what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

She blinks away tears, "Because I keep hoping that this will all resolve itself on it's own. I just wish I didn't have to do anything, and it would disappear."

"I know."

"And I hate myself for thinking that way."

* * *

Weeks later, and very little has changed. Though John now knows Kathryn's secret, she still has yet to open up about the details. He doesn't ask, too afraid to push her. She sits in exam room. She pulls out her phone, and dials her husband.

"Hey how did your appointment go?"

"I'm still here."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"He wants to admit me to the hospital."

"Why?"

"Because apparently I am severely dehydrated. He wants to give me IV hydration."

"Can't he do it there?'

"He says that he can't. He wants me to stay over night in the hospital for observation."

"Do you want me to come get you?"

"I don't want to go."

"I will be there shortly, ok?"

"Ok," she agrees.

Half an hour later she finds herself admitted to the hospital, with an IV tethered to her arm. John sits in a chair, next to her.

"I cannot believe you let this happen," she comments.

"Let it happen? I am not the one who put you here. The doctor just wants you to stay overnight. He said he will release you in the morning."

"This is unbelievable."

"He told me that you have lost ten pounds since the first time that he saw you."

"I'm fine."

"He wants to give you some Zofran."

"I don't want to take anything."

"Why not? You would rather just be miserable?"

"I already am."

"What did he say about the amnio-centesis?"

"The results won't be back until tomorrow."

"Don't worry I am sure that everything is fine."

"Nothing is fine. I don't know if anything is ever going to be okay again." she argues.

"Try to get some rest," he says in a soft voice.

"Rest? It is three o'clock in the afternoon."

"I know. Maybe you can try to take a nap."

"With this stupid IV pump making noise? I don't think that I am going to get a nap."

"You don't have to be so cranky."

"I don't want to be here."

"He said that you can go home first thing in the morning."

"John you don't understand how difficult this is for me."

"I know that this entire situation is difficult for you, and that it is beyond your control, and you hate that."

"Why is this happening to me?"

"I have to believe that some good is going to come from this whole ordeal," he responds.

"I know. I just have a hard time convincing myself of that."

"This was your decision," he reminds her.

"Knowing that, doesn't make it any easier."

"I know."

"Look I don't want to talk about this anymore. Can we talk about something else?"

"Sure," he nods in agreement.


	20. Denial And Safekeeping

The following morning the doctor enters the room. He finds John sitting in a chair, next to the bed, with his blackberry out. John looks up, when he hears a knock on the door. The doctor enters the room.

"Where is your wife?" the doctor questions.

"She's just in the bathroom. What's going on?"

"We're getting ready to discharge her."

John looks at his watch. "Already? It's barely seven o'clock."

"I knew how anxious she was to get out of here, so I put her on the top of my list. It will take the nurse a few minutes to get the discharge instructions ready."

"I'll give her the good news, as soon as she comes out."

"I wanted to talk to her before she left."

"Is something wrong?"

"I just want to go over the results of the amniocentesis with her."

Kathryn exits the bathroom. She is dressed, and ready to go. She still has the IV in, so she drags the pole behind her. She takes a seat on the edge of the bed.

"I was just telling your husband that we are going to discharge you," he reveals.

"Great."

"And I know that you are opposed to taking anything for the nausea, but I did write an order for Zofran, if you should need it. My advice is to go ahead and get the prescription filled, and have it available to it, in case you change your mind."

"Ok," she agrees.

"And I wanted to touch base with you, about your amniocentesis, before you leave," he adds.

"Ok."

He flips open her chart, and studies the results once more. "I have had a chance to review the results, and I didn't find any abnormalities. Everything looks normal."

"You're sure?" Kathryn questions.

"Yes. You sound surprised."

"Just relieved," she admits.

"I know that we had discussed the gender previously."

"I still don't want to know."

"I put the results of the amniocentesis into a sealed envelope. If you should change your mind you can take a look."

She nods. He hands the envelope with the results to John.

"The nurse will be in with your discharge papers shortly," he reassures her, as he leaves the room.

John turns to her, "You really don't want to know?"

"No."

"If you aren't keeping it why does it matter?"

"I don't want to get attached."

"Kathryn it is literally attached to you, I think your expectations are a little bit impossible."

"What expectations?"

"To feel nothing. I think you need to come to the terms with the fact that you are going to feel something towards this baby."

"I don't want to."

"I know that you don't want to. I think that it would be impossible not to."

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. Can we just keep this entire topic off limits?"

"For how long?"

"Until it's over with."

"That is a little bit unrealistic don't you think?"

* * *

When they get home Daphne is sitting in the kitchen eating breakfast.

"I didn't expect you back this early," she admits.

"I am going to go upstairs, and get a quick shower. Then we can go into the office."

"Ok," Daphne agrees.

"Oh," he pulls the envelope out of his pocket, "Why don't you hold onto this for safekeeping."

"What is it?" she wonders.

"Amniocentesis results."

"Is everything ok?"

Kathryn shoots John a look. He answers Daphne, "Everything is fine, but your mother doesn't want us to discuss this anymore."

Daphne furrows her brow, "Ok."

Kathryn heads towards the stairs. She takes a seat on the bed, waiting for John to finish his shower. By the time he gets out of the shower she is sound asleep, lying on top of the covers.

* * *

Bay comes over to work in her studio. Daphne comes home a little bit early to keep an eye on Kathryn. She gets out of her car, and notices that the door to Bay's studio is open.

"You're home early," Bay comments.

"I just wanted to check on Kathryn."

"Is she home?"

"They released her this morning," Daphne confirms.

"Why did she go to the hospital in the first place?"

"Dehydration. She hasn't been able to keep much down."

"Don't they make pills for that, or something?"

"They do, she just refuses to take them."

"It is almost as if she wants to be miserable," Bay comments.

"I almost get the feeling she is punishing herself, for something that isn't even her fault," Daphne agrees.

"What's in the envelope?" Bay questions.

Daphne looks down at the envelope in her hands.

"Dad gave it to me."

"What is it?"

"Amniocentesis results."

"Did you read them?"

"I haven't had a chance to. She refuses to allow us to talk about it."

"Since when?"

"Since this morning I guess. She doesn't want the wrong person to hear our conversations."

"Wrong person, like who? Toby?"

"You know that she still hasn't told him."

"That is completely ridiculous. So are you going to open that?"

Daphne rips the envelope open. She glances at all of the percentages.

"Well?" Bay taps her foot, impatiently.

"All of the numbers fall within normal ranges."

"Good."

Daphne looks at the top of the paper, "It also confirms gender."


	21. Sorrow In The Flesh

It has been weeks since Kathryn has issued her ban on talking about the issue at hand. It doesn't prevent her family from talking about it. It only prevents them from talking about it with, or in front of her.

John sits in the restaurant during lunch. He waits anxiously at the table for the other party to join him. Finally Regina enters the room, and takes a seat across the table from her. She cuts right the chase.

"I am a little surprised that you wanted to meet me for lunch. What is going on?"

He shrugs, "We have a very important fundraising even coming up on Friday."

"I know that you didn't want me to meet you for lunch so you could invite me to a fundraiser. Why am I really here?"

"I wouldn't waste my time trying to invite you. I know that you wouldn't come."

"So why am I here?"

"I need your help."

"You're going to have to excuse me while I mark this date down on my calendar."

"This is serious."

"Ok," she nods, "What's going on? Is it about Bay? She doesn't want to come."

"Actually, no. Bay has agreed to come."

"I am guessing that you had to bribe her into it."

"I put her to work. She designed all of the t-shirts we will be giving out to donors."

"I see. Daphne is your intern so I know she will be attending."

"Kathryn refuses to come."

"She's your wife," Regina points out.

"She barely leaves the house. I am really starting to worry about her."

"What do you want me to do?"

"I was just hoping that you could talk some sense into her."

"Me? Of all people you think that I am going to be able to convince her to go?"

"You are more persuasive than I am."

"You are a senator," she reminds him.

"She has to be there."

"Does she really have to be there?"

"She has never missed an event. This is such an important event. I am afraid that people will start asking questions, if she isn't there. I want to protect her, but sometimes I just don't know how."

"You can't protect her from the entire world. Even if you could, you can't protect her from herself."

"So will you talk to her, please?"

"I can try."

"I would really appreciate it."

"John how are you doing?"

"I'm fine. She is the one who is living through a nightmare."

"Does she talk to you about it?"

"She doesn't even bring it up. She refuses to say anything to me about it. She has banned us from even bringing the developing issue up."

"Developing issue? Is that what we're calling it nowadays?"

"I don't know what else to call it."

"She will come around, eventually."

He shakes his head, "I don't know. I have never seen her like this. I feel so helpless. I know that I can't go back and fix what's been done. I don't need the details, I just wish she would talk to someone. I wish she would let someone help her."

"I'll talk to her."

* * *

Regina enters the Kennish estate. She parks the car, and slams the door shut. Bay looks at her, from the garage. She furrows her brow.

"What are you doing here?" Bay questions.

"I had lunch with John today."

"That doesn't compute," Bay admits.

"He asked me to talk to Kathryn."

"About the fundraiser on Friday?"

"Yeah."

"Good. She needs to get out of the house."

"Any suggestions?"

Bay opens a drawer. She pulls out a manila envelope. She hands it to Regina.

"Give her this."

"What is it?"

"What she's been avoiding," Bay answers.

"Ok."

Regina goes inside. She climbs the stairs to the second floor. She makes her way towards the master bedroom. She stops in the doorway. The door is open. Kathryn lies in bed with the comforter over her head. Regina takes a deep breath, and enters the room. She goes to the window, and pulls the curtain back. She returns to the bed, stopping at the bottom. She pulls the comforter off the bed, and drops it on the floor.

"Rise and shine!"

Kathryn sits up, looking at her in disbelief, "What are you doing here?"

"It is after noon, you need to get out of bed."

"Regina, please, just leave me alone."

"I can't."

"Please," she begs, sitting up on the side of the bed.

Regina takes a seat next to her, "You're still in your pajamas?"

"No, they are clean pajamas. I put them on when I woke up this morning."

"That is what your life is coming to? Nothing more than changing from one pair of pajamas to another?"

"You don't understand."

"You're right, I don't. Your family needs you. You can't wallow in your sorrows for the rest of your life. You can't lock yourself in this room, and hope that this will resolve itself. That isn't going to happen."

"What are you doing here?"

"John asked me to come talk to you. He's worried about you."

"I'm fine."

"Kathryn you are still in your pajama's and it is twelve thirty. You barely leave this house, hell you barely leave this room. When was the last time you even went to the grocery store?"

She shrugs, "I don't know."

"If you want your life to go back to normal you have to push in that direction. You have to get up, and start each day just like normal."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

"Kathryn get dressed."

"Why? I'm not going anywhere."

"Yes, you are."

"No," she argues, "I'm not."

"I am taking you to a therapist."

"I don't need a therapist."

"You don't need a therapist? You are lying in bed waiting for the world to come crashing down around you. You have gone through hell, and you're really going to tell me that you don't need a therapist?"


	22. One Word, And One Life

"I don't feel comfortable talking about it to someone I know. I can't even discuss it with my husband. I can't bring myself to say those words. I have never said it to him. It is only an understanding. How do you expect me to recount the details to some perfect stranger?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

"This is ridiculous. I don't want to go to the fundraiser. I don't want to be around hundreds of people who I don't even particularly care for. And the mere thought of shrimp cocktail makes me want to vomit."

"So if you miss this event, and the next one, and so on, and so fourth what do you think people are going to say? They are going to wonder what's going on. It isn't like you not to support your husband."

"I can support him from here."

"Why are you so opposed to going?"

"I have been wearing pajamas for weeks. Despite the fact that I am sick pretty much all of the time, I am pretty certain that my clothes don't fit. They would cling to all of the areas that I don't want them to cling to."

"You can buy new clothes."

"Twenty weeks into this, the last thing I want to do is go shopping. I don't want to..."

"You don't want to face this. Kathryn at some point you are going to have to. You're pregnant. You are having a baby who wasn't planned for. You're going to give birth to a child who was conceived in the worst possible circumstances. I can understand why you don't want to face that. It is difficult to think about something that is supposed to be so joyous being a result of something so horrendous. Your life can't stop."

"Even if I can hide this for a while longer, I can't hide it forever. People are going to notice. They are going to ask questions. I can't handle that."

"People are going to form opinions no matter what you do."

"What am I supposed to say to them when suddenly I'm not pregnant anymore, and I don't have a baby, either."

"Lie."

"I don't know if I can."

"Why don't you just let me worry about that?"

"I can't do this. This was all a mistake."

"I hear that we're not allowed to discuss this anymore."

"That is what I told John, and the girls."

"What about Toby? Did you ever tell him?"

"No."

"Don't you think that you should?"

"I wouldn't know where to start."

"There is something that you need to see," Regina reveals.

Regina dumps the contents of the envelope onto the bed. Kathryn glances at the seat of black, and white.

"Where did you get these?"

"Bay had them."

"Where did she get them?"

"I think a better question is why don't you have them?"

"I don't want them. I don't need any souvenirs from this. When it is all over, I don't want any reminders."

Regina reaches into the pile. She grabs one of the pictures. She hands it to Kathryn. Kathryn refuses to look.

"You have to come to terms with this. You are going to have accept the fact that you don't want this baby, and you're going to place it for adoption. That doesn't mean that you don't love it. I know that this is hard for you. I know that you feel like it is an unfair decision, because it is. You are trying to make the best decision for this child."

Kathryn swallows hard, as the tears well up in her eyes. She looks at Regina, and then looks at the 3-d picture. She stares at the picture in silence.

"Do you watch, when you're at these appointments?"

She subtly shakes her head, "No."

"The doctor doesn't find that odd?"

"We told him that I am a gestational carrier."

"You lied?"

"I was on the spot. I didn't know what else to say."

"That is your baby," Regina points to the picture.

Kathryn's eyes fall to the picture. She stares at the three dimensional image. Regina reads the folded piece of paper that lies among the pile. She looks up at Kathryn.

"A baby girl."

Kathryn looks up at her, "I didn't want to know."

"How is living in denial going to help this situation any? Pretending this isn't happening, or pretending not to care, it will not make placing her for adoption any easier. As hard as begin pregnant is, you have to consider that placing her for adoptions is going to be equally as hard. No matter how hard you try it is impossible not to develop a connection to a baby that you carry inside of you for nine months. We both know that."

* * *

She sits in an office, on a couch. Regina sits next to her, in silence.

"What brings you here today?" the therapist starts the session.

"I recently found out that I'm pregnant."

"Pregnancies can bring up a lot of mixed emotions that people don't expect."

"My other children are young adults," Kathryn explains.

"It was unexpected?"

"To say the least."

"So what is it that you are struggling with? Coming to terms with preparing for another child, when you were about to have the others leave the nest?" The therapist guesses.

Kathryn swallows hard, "No. It is the circumstances surrounding the pregnancy."

"Are there complications?"

"The baby is healthy."

"Ok."

"Several months ago..." Kathryn trails off. She looks over at Regina.

"It's ok, go ahead."

Kathryn rings her hands. She looks down, refusing to make eye contact. She swallows hard, and does her best to choke back tears.

"You can tell me," the therapist reassures her.

"I was..." she trails off. She tires to finish the sentence, but it proves to be incredibly difficult, "I was raped."

"Oh."

"And this pregnancy is a result of that," Kathryn reveals.


	23. Life Goes On

He pulls at his tie, as he takes a drink from the waiter. He feels nervous even though he knows that he shouldn't. He looks at the room full of people. There are a ton of people there. The only face in the crowd that he doesn't see is the only one he is waiting on.

* * *

She stands in the closet, as Regina, Daphne, and Bay sew frantically. Her patience wears thin.

"Guys I'm going to be late."

Regina looks down at her watch, "Better late than never," she reminds her.

"Mom we're almost done sewing you into your dress," Bay reassures her.

* * *

He looks at his watch for the twelfth time in the past ten minutes. He resigns himself to the fact that she isn't coming. He looks up at the doorway. Bay, and Daphne sneak in. He waits a moment, but he doesn't see his wife. He feels a pang of disappointment. He glances at the doorway one more time. He finds her entering the room. Finally he makes his way to her. He whispers in her ear.

"I didn't think you were going to make it."

"Creative wardrobing," she responds, in a hushed tone.

He nods, as he takes a look at her. "You look beautiful."

"Let's get this over with," she smiles.

"I will try to make this as quick an painless as possible."

"I was stabbed at least half a dozen times while I was trying to get this dress on."

"It looks fabulous."

"I don't care if it looks fabulous. That is not why I bought it."

"It does everything that it's supposed to."

"Good."

"So how much did this thing cost me?"

"You don't want to know."

"I have a feeling that the price is much more than just a sticker. I have a feeling there are some favors involved too."

"You definitely owe Regina and the girls a couple of favors."

"It was worth whatever the cost is."

"I doubt that you will be saying that later when someone has to use scissors to get me out of it."

"You worry too much."

* * *

She enters the house. Daphne is right behind her. Kathryn goes over to the kitchen drawer, and pulls out a pair of shears. She turns and hands them to Daphne.

"What do you want me to do with these?"

"Cut this thing off of me!" she insists.

"If you give me a minute I can help you get it off, without cutting it."

"Daphne I can't breathe cut it off."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she nods, turning her back to Daphne. She pulls her hair off her shoulders, and out of the way of the scissors. Daphne knows that the most alterations have been made on the sides. The zipper of the dress is in the back.

"Lift your arm," Daphne instructs her.

Kathryn lifts her arms. Daphne quickly cuts the dress down the seam on the right side. Kathryn pulls the dress off. Underneath she wears spanx.

The following morning she stands in the refrigerator, in silence. She is still in her pajamas. She's wearing a pair of white pajama's with vertical stripes on them. She wears a camisole under her long-sleeved pajama top. Her hair is pulled back into a clip.

"You know you're wasting electricity," a voice behind her lectures.

She turns and sees a familiar face. She looks at her watch, "You're up early."

"I have to go to work," he reminds her.

"Of course."

"I haven't seen you down here this early for weeks," he adds.

"I know," she turns, and looks at him, closing the refrigerator door.

"Mom what's going on?"

"Don't worry about it Toby."

"Just tell me the truth," he begs.

"Do you want me to make you breakfast? Some pancakes maybe?"

"I don't have time. Besides you haven't cooked breakfast in months."

"I'm sorry."

"So are you going to tell me what is going on?"

She nods, and points to the stool in front of the island. She pulls it out.

"Have a seat."

"Mom I don't have time. Just tell me what is going on."

"I'm..." she trails off trying to figure out how to break it to him, gently.

"You're what? Crazy? I already know that."

"No, Toby, I'm pregnant."

"What?!" his jaw drops, "Since when?"

"For a while."

"Define a while," he insists.

"Months."

"You haven't been eating meals because you have been sick?"

"Yeah."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"It is kind of complicated," she admits.

"Because you're forty four?"

"Among other things."

"I don't want to know the details."

"Great, I don't want to talk about them."

"So are you feeling any better yet?"

"I am starting to. This is the first day in months that I have woken up, and actually been hungry enough to want to eat."

"Nothing in the fridge strikes you fancy?"

"There aren't any brownies in the fridge."

"You want brownies for breakfast?"

"You only live once," she quotes to him.

"Yolo? Really mom? That is how you are going to justify eating brownies for breakfast?"

She shakes her head, "I have other ways to justify that."

"Maybe you should text Daphne. I am sure that she'll make you brownies. I have to go to work."


	24. Front Row Seats To Cirque Du Soleil

He rolls towards her. He wants to put his arm around her, but he's afraid that she'll push him away. He takes the chance. He scoots closer to her. He snakes his arm around her. He prays that she is in a deep sleep.

"What are you doing?" she questions.

"I am just going back to my side of the bed," he fibs.

She rolls towards him. She looks at his face, in the moonlight coming in through the curtains. He touches her face.

"I love you," he reminds her.

"I know that."

"I don't say that enough," he admits.

"John I am sorry that I am putting you through this."

"For putting me through this? Kathryn you have nothing to be sorry about. This isn't your fault."

"I just don't like lying, or hiding things."

"I never said that you had to do any of that. That was all your idea."

"I think that it is just better that way."

"I will support whatever you want to do."

"There is something that you should know."

"What's that?"

"A few weeks ago, when you had Regina convince me to go to your fundraiser," she begins.

"I recall that."

"She made me see a therapist."

"Good."

"I hated it."

"So you didn't go back?" he guesses.

"I've been going twice a week."

"So, you've had like half a dozen sessions?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"Do you feel like it's helping?"

"I don't know."

"You know that we have that event coming up next week," he reminds her.

"I know, it is a week from today."

"I am not going to push you into going. If you don't want to come I understand. You should do whatever you think is best. Three weeks has definitely changed some things."

"I don't think that being sewn into my dress will help this time. With the spanx underneath I could hardly breathe. I don't think it would work this time."

"That's ok."

"I want to be there for you."

"Kathryn if you don't feel like coming I will understand."

"Feel like coming? I can finally think about food without throwing up."

"I know I saw that brownie sundae you had for dinner."

"I can't help it."

"I know. It's ok. I am glad you finally got your appetite back."

"You're just disappointed because Daphne would only let you have a taste."

"I should get to eat what you eat."

"What I eat is not necessarily heart healthy," she argues.

"I found you in the kitchen at four am yesterday morning eating a salad. What kind of person gets up in the middle of the night to eat a salad?"

"I dreamt about it."

"You dreamt about a salad?"

"Yes," she confirms.

"We should go to sleep. It has been a long day."

"You are the one who started talking."

"No, you told me not to touch you," he argues.

"I asked you what you were doing," she corrects him.

"But you still don't want me to touch you."

"Why do you want to touch me? You know how hot I get when I sleep."

"So I can't touch you, because I make you hot?"

"Never mind," she rolls her eyes.

"I'm sorry. I don't need to touch you all night."

"Why do you keep bringing this up?"

"Because you're my wife."

"John I..."

"I just want to hold you. Is that so much to ask?"

She makes an effort. She puts his hand on her hip, and puts her arm under his. She rests her hand on his back. She quickly realizes how awkward this is, with her facing him.

"This is not going to work out," she informs him.

"Not like this. There is something in the way."

"Someone," she corrects him, in a hushed tone.

He retracts his arm, "Yeah, someone."

"Who is behaving even worse than you are right now."

"How do you figure?"

"I would really like to be asleep right now."

"I'm not stopping you."

"Both of you are pestering me. You want to hold hands, or something while we sleep."

"You like that sappy stuff," he points out.

"Not right now, I don't," she argues.

"I am sorry. I will leave you alone."

"That only solves one problem."

"What other problem do you have?"

"This one won't go to sleep," she points to her stomach.

"Have you told it to go to sleep?"

He can almost hear her eyes roll. "You think I can make an unborn baby mind?"

"You should try. Just tell it."

"Are you serious right now?"

"Do you have a better idea?"

She looks down at her stomach, "I would really appreciate it if you would stop tap dancing in there. I would like to go to sleep."

"Did it work?"

"No, she's still jumping around."

"She?"

"She," Kathryn repeats.

"You mind if I try?"

"What are you going to do?"

"Can I touch you?"

"I guess."

He places his hand on her stomach. "Listen little girl, it is after midnight. It is time for you to go to sleep. You have the next four or so months to consider giving someone sleepless nights. Ok?" He feels the kicking stop. Kathryn places her hand on John's.

"You want me to move my hand?" he assumes.

"Just for a second."

He pulls his hand back. The baby starts dancing again. Kathryn places her hand on her stomach. The wild acrobatics stop.

"Did it stop?"

"The second you moved your hand it was like cirque du soleil in there. When I put my hand where yours was it stopped."

"That baby won't be born for over four months, and already she wants to be held all night."


	25. Of Spray Tans, and White Lies

"Toby was like that," she comments.

"No, Toby was not like that. You were the one who sat up all night and held him."

"That isn't true," she argues, "He would only sleep if I was touching him."

"Not true. That was for you."

"He didn't sleep..."

He cuts her off, "Yes he did. Do you know what I would do when it was my turn? I would put him in his crib, and he would fall asleep right away."

"You stayed in there with him all night."

"Only because I wanted to make sure that he didn't stop breathing."

"You try to make me seem like the worry-wart, but you are just as bad."

"I will never admit that."

"But, you know that it is true."

"So what are you going to do? Are you going to lay there with your hand like that all night?"

She slowly removes her hand, "I think that she's asleep."

"So, does that mean we can go to sleep now?"

* * *

Kathryn looks at the dress in the mirror. Daphne stands behind her.

"We're going to be late."

"Can we try the black one again?"

"I like this one better. The purple is better with your skin tone."

"Daphne are you sure?"

"You said that you would go to this event to night. You can back out at the last minute, if you want."

"I promised that I would go. It's been a month since we had the last event."

"So what do you want to do?"

"Can you give me a minute?"

"Sure," Daphne nods.

Kathryn stands in the closet staring in the mirror. It isn't as noticeable from the front. She turns to the side. There is no denying it from that angle. There is no claiming that it is from holiday treats, or missing a couple of days at the gym. It is an obvious baby bump.

* * *

She forces herself to smile as she enters the room. Much to her relief most of the people in the room are already busy mingling. She takes a deep breath as she heads towards the table. She prays that no one stops her on the way to the table. She hopes she can make it to the table, and scoot underneath it without anyone noticing her.

"Kathryn," she hears a familiar voice all her name.

"Emily," she looks up.

"I didn't know you were going to be here."

"I guess that it's been a while since I've seen you," Emily admits, staring at her stomach.

"I guess so. I've really got to get to my table John, and the girls are waiting," she tries her best to wriggle her way out of the conversation.

"I didn't know that you guys were planning on expanding your family. I mean your kids all have to be over eighteen now, right?"

"Yeah. We didn't know we were planning it either."

"So when are you due?"

She looks around the room hoping someone will save her. Regina pops up out of nowhere, and turns to Emily.

"You will have to excuse us. I have been looking for her everywhere," Regina drags her off to the table. Kathryn takes a seat at the table. Regina sits down across from her.

"Thank you for that."

"I don't think anyone else noticed," Regina tries to point out.

"It doesn't matter. Emily likes to share gossip with everyone she meets. I am sure that all of Kansas City will know by the morning."

John looks over at her, "So what did you tell her?"

"Virtually nothing," Kathryn admits.

Kathryn watches as Emily chats it up with a group of people. One of the women walks away from the group. She stops at their table. She smiles.

"Kathryn, you're glowing."

"Thanks," she smiles.

Bay interjects, "It's probably the spray tan," she shoots her down.

The nosy woman nods, "Hm... that must be it," she walks away.

Kathryn smiles widely, "That's my girl."

Regina nods, "She's nothing, if not quick on her feet."

* * *

The following day Kathryn is at the grocery store. She wears a pair of jeans, and an oversized navy blue sweater, with a v-neck. She wears a navy blue shirt underneath. She heads down the produce aisle with the cart. She stops in front of the produce case, and reaches for a bag of spinach.

"Hey stranger," a voice from behind falls out.

She turns and looks at the woman standing behind her. She smiles, despite the fact that she is groaning on the inside. "Jane."

"It is so nice to see you. I am really upset I missed that dinner last night. I heard that it was amazing. Unfortunately my little one was sick."

"That's too bad," she lies through her teeth.

"So I heard a rumor about you."

"Oh, really?" she tries to play cool.

"Speaking of little ones I heard that you're pregnant."

"Hm. Interesting. Do you know how old I am?"

"Does it really matter in this day and age? Technology has come such a far way. Plus, my mother taught me to never speculate about a woman's age."

"And my mother taught me that when you assume you make an ass out of u and me."

"I am sorry if I offended you. I just heard a rumor that you were pregnant."

"I heard that rumor too," she answers as she walks away, fully aware that the sweater she is wearing will neither confirm or dispel such a rumor.

She is putting the groceries in the refrigerator when Bay comes in the kitchen.

"Hey sweetie how was your day?" She turns to look at her.

"When are we having dinner?"

"In about an hour, but you know that. I am assuming that is why you're here."

"I was working on some stuff, too."

"Oh, I see."

"So how was your trip to the grocery store?"

"It seems that the rumor mill works pretty quickly around here."

"Can you believe the audacity of some people?" Bay responds.

"I think it is rude to walk up to someone, and ask if they're pregnant. I mean what has happened to society? Did they ever consider that maybe I just got fat?"

Bay smirks, "Probably not when the only place you have gained any weight is your stomach. I mean it doesn't look like it's flab."

"Still, it is rude."

"I agree. So what happened, exactly?"

Kathryn smiles, "She said that she had heard a rumor, that I was pregnant."

"Yeah?"

"And I told her that I had heard that rumor too, and I just walked away."

"Good for you. It is nobody's business. If you wanted them to know you would have made an official announcement."


	26. Cliches And Rainy Days

The next months are full of rumors, while Kathryn artfully dodges questions. It all too soon becomes painstakingly obvious that she is pregnant. The most popular rumor is that she is being used as a gestational carrier for an old friend, courtesy of Regina. That morning it's raining as she gets ready to head out to the grocery store. She stands in the kitchen with her bare feet against the hardwood floor.

She eats her breakfast standing, in front of the counter. She looks down at her stomach, and sighs in defeat. The unborn baby girl inside of her dances inside of her. She kicks Kathryn in the rib. She presses her hand to her stomach since no one is watching. "Please stop," she whispers.

Bay enters the house. She looks at her mother. Kathryn quickly retracts her hand as if she's just placed it on a red hot burner.

"Not to be cliche, or anything, but you do realize that you're standing in the kitchen barefoot, and pregnant, right?"

"I can't find my boots," Kathryn admits.

"And where your socks?"

"They are in the third drawer of the dresser."

"Why are you telling me that?" Bay questions.

"Because I can't reach them anymore. I can't bend over far enough to reach them."

"I'll get them for you."

"I would really appreciate that."

Bay returns with socks, and a pair of rain boots. Kathryn smiles.

"My hero."

"Can I take a picture of you?"

"Why?"

"You might regret it if I don't."

"Bay," she tries to argue.

Bay snaps a picture of her wearing a jacket, and a pair of rain boots. Kathryn shakes her head.

"Delete it," she insists.

"Don't worry, I have more."

"What? From when?"

"Don't worry about it."

"It is almost nine o'clock why aren't you at school?"

"All employee learning day, no school, remember?"

"What? I don't remember you telling me that. Bay are you trying to pull a fast one me?"

"Why would I be doing that?"

"Because today is April fool's day."

"Oh, is it? I didn't even notice."

Daphne comes down the stairs, "Hey will you pick up bananas while you're at the grocery store?"

"Bay was just telling me that it is all employee learning day."

"It is. The teachers make it the same day every year. They find that it is easier not to have school, than to deal with all of the pranks."

"Well if you girls don't need anything, then I'm going to head out."

Bay looks at Daphne, and Daphne looks at Kathryn.

"Maybe we should go with you. I mean we can help carry the bags to the car, and stuff," Bay suggests.

"I am not an invalid. I can carry a few bags to the car."

"It would make us feel better if someone would go with you."

"For your information, someone is going with me," Kathryn reveals.

"Who?"

"Emmett."

"Emmett? Why is Emmett going with you?"

"Because I asked him to," she admits.

"Why?" Bay wonders.

"Actually, when I told him I was going to the grocery store he volunteered," Kathryn adds.

"When did you talk to Emmett?" Daphne quizzes.

"And why?" Bay probes, not missing a beat.

"I asked him for a favor," Kathryn answers.

"A favor? What kind of favor?" Bay continues.

"I asked him to take some pictures."

Bay cocks her eyebrow, "You just growled at me for taking pictures."

"You enjoy catching people off guard. That does not always make the most flattering picture," Kathryn responds.

"Why?" Daphne inquires.

"For a profile," Kathryn grits her teeth as she answers.

Daphne looks at Bay questioningly. "Did she just say profile?"

"Yes," Bay confirms.

"For what?" Daphne keeps her eyes on Bay.

Bay remains silent. She signs instead, "The adoption agency."

"Right," Daphne nods.

"You haven't done that yet?" Bay furrows her brow.

"I have been putting it off," Kathryn admits.

"You've only got five more weeks," Bay points out.

Daphne turns and looks at Kathryn, "Can I ask one question?"

"Yes, one," Kathryn nods.

"Do we actually get to see her, at all?"

"I think that it is best for everyone involved if no one sees her."

"For everyone?" Daphne shakes her head.

"I will make sure that you get a picture," Kathryn insists.

"A picture? Look I know that this entire situation sucks, but we should get the chance to say goodbye, in person."

"Daphne you have to understand that it just isn't going to work that way," Kathryn explains.

"She probably won't even tell us when she goes to the hospital," Bay chimes in, as she storms out of the room.

"Bay, wait," Kathryn calls after her.

Daphne folds her arms across her chest, and shakes her head. Her nostrils flare in anger.

"Daphne."

"No," she turns, and leaves the room, too.

Emmett knocks on the door. Kathryn greets him.

"Hi," she signs.

"Are you ok?" he questions allowing his fingers to do the talking.

"Yeah," she responds.

"Are you ready to go?"

"Yes."

"Do you have everything?"

"Keys, purse, grocery list."

"Shopping bags?" he queries.

"I am so glad you reminded me. I always forget the reusable shopping bags."

He smiles at her. As she grabs the reusable shopping bags out of the cabinet.


	27. A Traumatic Entrance

Kathryn sits in the driver's seat. Emmett sits next to her, in the passenger's seat. He looks at her for a moment, questioning whether she should be behind the wheel or not. He pushes the thought from his mind, and looks up at the red light that they are sitting under. It turns green, and she begins to accelerate. He looks out her window. He sees the car barreling towards them.

"Kathryn!"

The sound of his voice startles her. She sees the car too late. There is nothing that she can do. The car slams into them, t-boning the car. The car behind them in the intersection is following too closely. It slams into the back of them. The impact sends them forward. Kathryn hits her head on the steering wheel, and is slammed against her seat. The back of her head hits her head rest. She lets go of the steering wheel, and wraps her arms around her stomach an instant before the airbags deploy. When the car comes to rest Emmett feels groggy. He has no visible injuries. He looks over at Kathryn. He touches her arm. She doesn't respond. He notices the gash to her forehead. She has lacerations on her arms. He takes a deep breath, trying to make sense of what's just happened. He smells gasoline.

He reacts quickly. He unbuckles his seat belt. He reaches over, and unbuckles Kathryn's belt, too. He looks out the driver's side window. The truck is still pressed against her door. He shoves his door open. He feels his adrenaline pumping. He can still smell gasoline. He reaches over to Kathryn. He puts his arms under her armpits. He struggles to pull her towards the passenger's side. As his feet hit the pavement there is a bystander behind him. The man helps pull her from the car. The bystander holds her in his arms. The paramedics arrive within sixty seconds. Luckily they were at lunch at a restaurant nearby, and heard the accident.

The paramedics put Kathryn on a gurney. They make Emmett climb into the ambulance with her. One paramedic looks at Emmett as the other climbs into the driver's seat.

"How far along is she?" he asks, staring at Kathryn.

The paramedic looks up at him. Emmett shakes his head. He points to his ears, and shrugs.

The paramedic looks him in the face. He repeats his question, "How far along is she?"

Emmett furrows his brow. He thinks for a moment, "35," he responds with his fingers.

They arrive at the hospital in record time. The nurse tries to usher Emmett to another bay. He shakes his head. He signs, hoping that she understands him.

"I'm staying with her. I want to know everything is ok," he insists.

She watches his hands, and then smiles, "Ok," she signs to him.

He follows Kathryn into the E.R. bay. The trauma team begins to assess her. They hook her up to machines, and monitors. Before he can blink a nurse jabs an IV into Kathryn's arm. Another slaps a monitor onto her stomach.

"She's having contractions. The stress of the crash has sent her into labor," one of them yells.

"How far along is she?" the doctor questions.

"Thirty five weeks," the other staff member replies.

Kathryn remains unconscious the entire time.

"Her heart rate is climbing," one of the nurses points out.

"The contractions are right on top of each other. There is no way we're going to be able to stop the labor."

Another nurse looks at the monitor, "The baby is having late decelerations."

"Send her to the O.R.. She needs to have an emergency c-section."

They talk too fast for Emmett to follow. The nurse unlocks the wheels of the gurney. He turns to the one who he signed to earlier.

"Where are you taking here?" he asks.

"Emergency c-section. You should call the family."

He sends Bay, Daphne, and John a text as he follows them to the O.R. The nurse stops him as they wheel Kathryn into the O.R.

"Whoa! That's as far as you go."

He shakes his head, "Her family isn't here yet," he signs, frantically, "Someone has to be with her. Please."

"Ok," she nods handing him a pair of scrubs.

By the time he gets his clothes changed, and into the room they are already cutting. He sits behind a curtain, at her head, on a stool. She has a tube down her throat, and shows no signs of regaining consciousness. He looks up, he can see them lifting the baby out, from his seat behind the blue sterile drape.

Bay is the first to make it to the hospital. She finds Emmett standing outside the N.I.C.U. She stares at him, on the verge of tears.

"What happened?"

"We got hit by a car, it ran a red light," he answers, his fingers moving at a frantic pace.

She looks at his hands, "Slow down."

"She is unconscious," he adds, slower this time.

"I don't know what that means," Bay admits.

Daphne joins them. She runs towards them. "What is going on?"

Emmett answers. "Car accident. She's unconscious."

Bay looks at them, "I don't know what the last thing is."

"Unconscious," Daphne reveals.

"This is bad. Why are you standing in front of the N.I.C.U?"

"The baby," he points to the window.

Bay looks through the window.

"Emergency c-section," Emmett adds.

"Where is mom?"

He shrugs, "I don't know, they wouldn't let me stay."

"Emmett," Daphne doesn't miss a beat, "Have you been looked at?"

"I'm fine."

"Go. I will go find Kathryn."

"I'll stay here," Bay stares at the window.

Emmett nods in agreement. John gets Bay's text. He joins her in front of the N.I.C.U.

"What happened?"

"There was a car accident. Someone ran a red light. Mom is unconscious. Emmett is in the E.R. Daphne is trying to track mom down."

John looks at the window, "Why are we standing in front of the neonatal intensive care unit?"

"They had to do an emergency c-section."

"Is the baby ok?"

Bay shrugs, "I don't know. I haven't seen her."

"Let's go find out," he suggests.

She nods, in agreement. After thoroughly washing their hands, and gowning up the nurse leads them into the N.I.C.U. She leads them to a warmer. They stare at the baby inside. She wears a diaper, and a striped pink hat. She looks pink under the light. John studies the tiny little girl, and then looks at the nurse.

"No oxygen?"

"She is breathing on her own. We haven't noted any periods of apnea. You should have heard her scream when she came out. Her lungs are working well so far. She is a good color, and her vitals are stable. She is doing well at maintaining her body temperature."

"She's five weeks early," he reminds her.

"She is doing exceptionally well despite her traumatic entrance."

"She's so little," Bay comments.

"Four pounds fifteen ounces."

John looks at the baby. Bay smiles at her, "She's beautiful."

"Welcome to the world, little girl," John touches her hand.

She squeezes his finger, and opens her eyes to look at him.


	28. What She Doesn't Know

After two days Kathryn has yet to regain consciousness. She has been extubated, and is breathing on her own. They take turns at her bedside. It is late, nearly three in the morning. Bay sleeps in the family waiting area. It is Toby's turn to go home to sleep. John sleeps in a rocking chair, in the N.I.C.U. Daphne sits in a chair in Kathryn's room, sound asleep. Regina sits in the cafeteria, with a cup of coffee unable to sleep.

She opens her eyes, and finds herself in a dark room. The last thing she remembers is leaving the grocery store. She looks to her right, and finds light coming from the I.V. pump. Her head hurts, and she feels groggy. Her arms burn. She swallows hard, her throat feels like sandpaper. Her hand instinctively drifts towards her abdomen. She winces as she touches sutures. She exhales, feeling a sense of panic. The baby doesn't move inside of her. She looks to her left, and sees a shadow sitting in the chair next to her bed. It takes her a minute to make out who it is. She takes the pillow that is lying under her right arm.

It takes all of her strength to throw it less than two feet. Daphne opens her eyes. She flips on the light. Kathryn stares at her. A smile crawls across Daphne's face.

"You're awake?"

"The baby," her voice is raspy, "What about the baby?"

"They did an emergency c-section. The car accident sent you into labor. She didn't respond well to the contractions."

"Oh," her heart breaks, bracing for the worst.

"They decided it was the best they could do, even though she wasn't due for another five weeks."

"Uh huh," she does her best to keep the tears at bay.

"She is in the N.I.C.U. She is fine."

"She's ok?"

"Yeah. You have a fractured bone in your hand, and you have a very serious concussion."

"I'm ok," she lies, as she feels as if she's swallowing nails as she speaks.

* * *

He opens his eyes, and looks at the crying infant curled up on his chest. He pats her back, gently.

"Listen no one ever has to know about this, ok? I know that we don't get to keep you. I would never ask her to do that, just know it wasn't my choice, ok?"

The baby calms down at the sound of his voice. She stares up at him with slate blue eyes.

"So this can be our little secret, ok? Nobody has to know. I am sure that when Kathryn regains consciousness she will call the agency, and a perfectly nice couple will take you home. You are going to be a really lucky little girl."

She presses the palm of her hand against his heart. He swallows back tears, "Don't make this any harder than it is."

His phone vibrates. He checks the text message. He returns the baby to her isolet. She starts crying the instant that he walks away. He tries to block out the sound of her crying, as he leaves the unit.

He enters the room smiling, as he lays eyes on his wife's face. He looks at Daphne.

"Go wake Bay up."

"Ok," she agrees, leaving the room.

He sits down on the edge of the bed. "You had us so worried."

"Emmett?"

"He is ok. He just has a mild concussion. That boy is something else."

"What do you mean?" Each word feels like a dagger in her throat.

"He saved your lives."

"The baby?"

"She's perfect. She is a tiny little thing, but she is fine."

"I want to see her."

"I thought that you said you didn't want to see her."

"I have to."

"Not right now. It is three o'clock in the morning, and the doctors will be into evaluate you shortly. You can't leave the room yet."

"But..."

He pulls out his phone. He unlocks the screen, and clicks on pictures. He holds the phone out for her to see.

"See, she is just fine. She's got ten fingers, and ten toes. Her lungs rival Bay's, and her appetite is unmatched."

Tears begin to trail down her face.

"It's okay," he reassures her, "She is fine."

* * *

It's early on a Friday morning. He sneaks in before school. He finds that no one is in the N.I.C.U. with the baby. After scrubbing his hands, and putting a gown up he heads towards her. He stares at the little girl inside the bassinet. Without a word he lifts her out. He takes a seat in the rocking chair. He sits there with her.

She quietly enters the unit in order to keep from waking all the sleeping babies. She looks up, and finds Emmett next to the baby's bassinet. He sits in the rocking chair, holding her closely. She quietly approaches. From a couple of feet away she hears humming. The little girl lays on his chest, with her ear pressed against it. She listens contently, with her eyes open as he hums. He looks over, and finds Bay.

"What are you doing here?" she questions.

He doesn't answer he just looks down at the baby.

"My mom finally woke up."

He vacates his seat. He rises, handing her the baby.

"Are you going to school today?" he questions.

"Yes," she confirms.

He looks at his watch, "You should leave soon."

"I will leave in just a minute."

"I'll see you there."

He leaves the N.I.C.U . Bay stands in front of the bassinet staring at the little girl. She smiles.

"This all really sucks," she points out.

The little girl listens quietly, "I'm sorry for the way things have to be." Bay looks up at the clock on the wall. She kisses the baby's forehead. "Sorry I've got to go." She places the baby back into the bassinet. She turns and leaves the unit. When she gets to the parking lot Daphne is waiting on her. Bay climbs into the passenger's seat of the silver Volvo. Daphne carefully backs out of the parking spot.

"Did you go see her?" Bay questions.

Daphne looks at her and nods. "I decided that what Kathryn doesn't know isn't going to hurt her."

"Is it wrong that I kind of wish..." Bay trails off.

Daphne looks at her, and then looks at the stop sign in front of her. "I don't think so."

"We will all get over it, right?" Bay quizzes.

"I hope so."


	29. Fresh Baby Smell

Regina leaves John, and Kathryn alone after the girls go to school. She looks at her watch as she heads for the elevator. She doesn't have to be at work for an hour, and it's a twelve minute drive. She stops in the N.I.C.U. for the first time. She stops at the nurse's station.

"I'm here to see baby Kennish," she reveals.

"She's not here anymore."

"What do you mean?" Her hearts skips a beat.

"They just moved her."

"Moved her where?" Regina questions.

"To the regular nursery."

"Ok, thank you."

She finds her way to the newborn nursery. She stops at the nurse's station.

"Do you have a bracelet?"

"Excuse me?"

"I think we probably reached our limit at how many bracelets we can issue."

"How many did you issue?"

"Aside from the mother we issued five. I think that is probably the most that we have ever issued."

"Why did you issue so many?"

"The senator made the request."

"Who did you issue them to?"

"One to the senator. One to each of his children."

"Daphne, Bay, and Toby. That is only four bracelets."

"And a young man whose name I didn't catch."

"Emmett," she guesses.

"Red hair?"

"Yeah," Regina confirms.

"Anyway they were all approved by the senator himself. You can't get a bracelet without approval. You can't get into the nursery without a bracelet."

"Can you have them bring her to the window?"

The nurse nods, "That I can do."

Regina stands in front of the nursery window. A nurse lifts a baby from a bassinet, and carries her to the window. She holds her up for Regina to see. The little girl sleeps soundly in the nurse's arms. She contently sucks on a pink pacifier as she sleeps. She wears a striped pink cap with a bow adhered to the front of it indicating that she's a girl. The nurse smiles, and gently peels the cap off the little girl's head. Regina stares at the thick dark red hair. In color it is a cross between Bay and Daphne's. There are brown hues, and a red cast to the hair.

* * *

She wakes up, and looks around the room. John sits in a chair, next to her. It takes her a moment to orient herself to her surroundings.

"Good morning," he smiles.

"How much longer do I have to stay here?"

"At least a couple more days," he responds.

"I want to go home."

"Kathryn you have to be patient."

"Where is everyone?'

"Regina went to work. Daphne, and Bay are at school. Toby is at work."

"Emmett's ok?"

"Yeah, he's fine. He just got a mild concussion. He is at school too."

"The baby?"

"She's fine."

"Will you go check on her?"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," she nods.

"Ok. I'll be back in a couple of minutes."

John leaves the room. He makes his way to the newborn nursery. He shows his hospital band, and the nurse opens the door to the nursery. The nurse points to a bassinet near the corner of the room. He peeks inside at the little girl. She sleeps peacefully, swaddled in a receiving blanket. The nurse approaches him.

"The pediatrician saw her this morning. He would like to send her home tomorrow," she reveals.

"Tomorrow? Really?"

"Yeah. She has done better than expected. We're hoping to send her home tomorrow."

"I will have to talk to my wife. I still don't know when they are going to release her."

"Ok."

The baby starts to stir. She opens her eyes, and begins to squall. John looks at his watch.

"Must be feeding time."

"Do you want to feed her?"

"I should really get back to Kathryn."

"Is she awake yet?" the nurse questions.

"She woke up last night."

"Good. If you want you can take the baby in there to see her."

"I'm not sure if she is ready for that much excitement yet."

"Ok," the nurse nods lifting the newborn out of the basinet.

* * *

That afternoon, satisfied that Kathryn is on the mend John goes home to catch a few hours of shut eye. Toby is still at work. Bay heads to Kathryn's room, and Daphne ends up in the nursery. She stands over the bassinet. She lifts the baby out of the bassinet, and moves to the rocking chair. She carefully unwraps the baby. Upon exposing the little girl's toes she opens her eyes. Daphne smiles.

"Hi pretty girl. I know it's cold but I brought you something. Bay brought you something, too," she reveals. She carefully unbuttons the white long sleeved t-shirt. She reaches inside the bag she's brought from home. She smells the tiny pink outfit before she begins to dress the baby. It smells like Dreft. Daphne carefully slips the baby's head into a pink onesie. She snaps the bottom closed. She carefully lifts the baby into a pink sleeper. She cautiously puts her arms through the sleeves. After getting the little girl's legs into the sleeper she snaps it. It is a pink sleeper with little butterflies all over it. She grabs the velcro bow out of the bag. She slips the cap off of the baby's head. She secures the bow in her thick hair. She moves her off her lap, into her arms. She pulls out her phone and snaps a picture. She sends it to Bay. She proceeds to re-wrap the baby in her receiving blanket.

"I hear that you're supposed to go home tomorrow. Of course I don't know where home is going to be."

The newborn girl stares up at her, intently.


	30. In The Flesh

Bay takes a seat in the chair next to Kathryn's bed. Kathryn sits with her head of the bed elevated about forty five degrees. She looks over at Bay.

"Are you ok?"

"I'm fine," she grimaces.

"Do you want some pain medicine? You look like you're in agony."

"I'll be fine."

"Are you sure? I mean your head bounced off the steering wheel, and the back of your seat. Your arms were in the path of the airbag, and not to mention you have a rather large abdominal incision."

"Bay I am fine," Kathryn insists.

"Did dad talk to you?"

"About what?"

"The baby," Bay responds.

"What about her? Is she ok? He said that she was fine. Was he lying to me?"

"No, she is fine. They want to release her tomorrow."

"Tomorrow? That is so soon."

"She is breathing on her own. She doesn't have any apnea. She eats like a horse, she's gained two ounces already."

"I see," she answers, flatly.

"Is there someone you want me to call? Do you have the number of the adoption agency?"

"It is in my purse."

"Your purse is in the car."

"Your car?" Kathryn inquires.

"I rode with Daphne."

"So it's in Daphne's car?"

"No," she shakes her head, "I assumed that it is in your car which is sitting at some body shop somewhere."

"I had a car full of groceries."

"Don't worry about it."

"It is going to smell like rotten food."

"Mom the only reason the car is at the body shop is so the insurance adjuster can look at it. Actually I think that he was planning on doing that today. It is a total loss. There is side, and rear impact damage."

"What do you mean?"

"The guy who was behind you in the intersection was following too closely. He hit you too."

"I guess that I don't remember."

"That's ok. At least you remember us."

"What do you mean at least I remember you?"

"You had brain swelling. They were afraid that you might have permanent memory loss."

"I can't remember anything after Emmett saying my name."

"He said your name, out loud?"

"I couldn't do anything it was too late."

"What is the next thing you remember?"

"Waking up here, with Daphne asleep in that chair."

"Today is Friday."

"So the accident was three days ago, right?"

"Yes."

"And they already want to release the baby? Are they sure that she is ok?"

"They ran a ton of tests. She is perfectly fine. Mom if you want I can look up the number to the adoption agency."

"I want to see her first," she answers, seemingly out of nowhere.

Bay focuses on her mother's face, "I thought that you said you didn't."

"I just want to see for myself that she is ok."

"Alright," Bay nods.

Kathryn pulls back her covers. She tries to sit up.

"Where do you think that you're going?"

"To see her."

"I will have them bring her to you."

"I didn't know they did that."

"Why wouldn't they?" Bay furrows her brow.

"I didn't think they left the N.I.C.U."

"She's not there."

"What do you mean she's not there? I thought that you said they weren't releasing her until tomorrow."

"They aren't."

"So where is she?" Kathryn responds with a hint of panic in her voice.

"They just moved her into the nursery this morning."

"Oh."

"I'll have someone bring her to you, ok?"

Bay texts Daphne. A couple of minutes later there is a knock on the door. Bay pulls the door open. Daphne smiles as she enters the room. She looks at Kathryn.

"I brought a visitor."

She pushes the basinet over to the side of the bed. Kathryn looks inside at the little girl. She stares up at her with slate blue eyes. She sucks on a pacifier. Bay and Daphne watch Kathryn closely. Bay turns to Daphne. Her back face's Kathryn so that she can't see. Bay signs to Daphne, "Do you think we should mention that we already picked out a name for her?" Daphne shakes her head.

Kathryn doesn't notice anything other than the little girl lying in the basinet. She remains silent. She turns, and looks at the girls. Daphne looks at her.

"Are you ok?" she queries.

Kathryn nods subtly, as she blinks away tears.

Bay steps forward, "Do you want me to take her back now? I know that this is a lot," she places her hand on the basinet.

"No," Kathryn answers as the tears start to trail down her face.

"Are you sure?" Bay wonders.

"Yes."

Daphne takes a deep breath. "Do you want to hold her?"

"Yes," she exhales.

Bay nods, as she is closest to Kathryn. She lifts the baby out of the basinet. She gently places her into Kathryn's awaiting arms. Kathryn removes the pacifier from the baby's mouth. The baby stares at her.

"You're so little," she comments.

The little girl locks eyes on her, as if she recognizes her voice. Bay approaches them. She silently removes the baby's hat. Kathryn stares at the thick auburn hair with a tiny pink bow in it. Kathryn remains focused on the baby's angelic face as the girls sign silently amongst themselves.

"Should we leave her alone?" Bay signs.

Daphne looks over at Kathryn. She nods subtly to Bay.

"Mom will you be ok if we go grab something to drink?" Bay quizzes.

"Yes."

They reluctantly leave the room. Bay closes the door, as she is the last one out of the room. She turns to Daphne.

"How long should we leave her in there alone?"

Daphne shrugs, "I don't know."

"What if Keely starts crying?"

"We'll go back in."


	31. Total Loss

Bay looks at the clock outside the room. She turns to Daphne.

"We should go back in now. It's been long enough."

"Ok," Daphne agrees.

They enter the room. Kathryn looks up at them, "I thought you were going to get something to drink."

"We didn't have enough change," Bay lies.

"You don't have to lie," Kathryn tells them.

"We just wanted to make sure that you're alright."

"I'm fine," she answers with the baby in her arms.

Daphne looks at the clock on the wall, "We should probably take her back. It's almost time for her to eat."

"Girls I appreciate your concern, but I am not going to break, I promise."

"No, it really is about time for her to eat," Bay insists.

"Why don't you guys go get something to eat? I think I can handle it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure that you want to be alone in here?"

"Girls, go," she begs.

They leave the room, reluctantly. They find their way to the cafeteria. They make it through the line, and pay for their purchases. They take a seat at a table.

"How long do you think we should stay gone?" Bay wonders.

"We need to give her time. Keely is supposed to go home tomorrow."

"I can't believe that we have to let her go, already."

"This is her decision," Daphne reminds her.

"That doesn't mean that I have to like it."

"I can't believe that they make clothes that little," Daphne admits.

"I know. Did you see the outfit that I found for her to go home in?"

"The frilly little dress? Since when do you like pink?"

"I don't, but she looks cute in it. Plus every girl has to have one really frilly pink dress in their lifetime."

"You wore a pink frilly dress?"

"I lived in a pink tutu for a week, before I realized that I wasn't going to be a ballerina."

"How old were you?"

"Three. I tripped over everything. Mom told me I couldn't be in ballet anymore when I broke her antique vase when I was practicing my moves in the house."

"John would murder me if he heard this, but when I was six I wanted to play baseball. I was obsessed. My mom made the mistake of taking me to some college game. Actually it was Ty who wanted to go. Anyway we played baseball every single day for over a week, until I accidentally broke the window."

"Dad would have made you stick it out with baseball. You would probably be a state softball champ or something."

"Would you really want to be a ballerina?"

"Not now."

"Can you imagine if you were?"

Bay smiles and shakes her head, "No. I never would have made it out of the beginner's class. I was terrible at it."

"I thought that I was great at baseball."

"And?"

"Now that I think back on it, I don't think I ever made contact with the ball, except when I was throwing it."

"Into the window?"

"Exactly."

When they head back upstairs they find Toby headed towards Kathryn's room.

"Where is the fire?" Bay queries.

"I went to the N.I.C.U. Keely wasn't there."

"They moved her to the nursery," Daphne reveals.

"That is what they said. She isn't in there, either."

"Where is she?" Toby probes.

"She is in there," Bay points.

"With mom?" he furrows his brow.

"Yes," Daphne confirms.

"You guys left her alone with the baby? For how long?"

"About forty five minutes," Bay realizes.

"Why? You can't just push the baby on her. I know that you guys want her to keep Keely, but it isn't our decision. It is cruel to leave the baby in there with her for that long. She has made her feelings perfectly clear."

"Toby, she asked to see her," Bay tells him.

"Oh."

"And she asked to be alone," Daphne adds.

"Oh."

"They want to release her tomorrow," Bay comments.

"Mom?"

"Keely," Daphne answers.

His heart sinks, "Oh."

"We should go back in," Daphne suggests.

They push the door open. They file into the room one at a time. Kathryn remains in bed. The baby lies on her shoulder as she burps her. Toby eyes the baby. Kathryn looks over at her son. The baby finally burps.

"Do you want her?"

He simply nods. Kathryn places the baby in his arms. He takes a seat in the chair, next to the bed. Bay breaks the awkward silence.

"Dad should be back soon. He just went home to take a nap."

"That's ok," Kathryn insists.

"Do you want me to find that number?" Bay inquires.

"Did either of you happen to talk to the insurance adjuster?"

Daphne nods, "That is what took us so long. We finally got a hold of him."

"And what did he say?" Kathryn wonders.

"The car is a total loss."

"He stopped by the carwash," Toby adds, "He dropped off your purse, but I forgot it in the trunk of my car. You didn't need it did you?"

"Not right now."

Toby continues, "Anyway he said that he would drop off for the car. The body shop called and asked what you wanted done with the car."

"Send it to the junkyard, I guess," Kathryn comments.

"Ok. I'll let them know."

Kathryn looks at Toby's wrist. She then glances at Bay, and Daphne. She locks eyes with Toby, who holds the tiny little girl with confidence as if he has had recent practice.

"Why do the three of you have hospital bands on?" Kathryn questions.

The girls look away. She turns to Toby. "Toby? Why do the three of you have hospital I.D. bracelets on?"

"They are required to get into the nursery."

"You have all been to the nursery?"

"We figured what you didn't know wasn't going to hurt you," Toby admits, "We just wanted some closure. We needed to say goodbye to Keely."

Kathryn furrows her brow. Bay shoots her brother a look of disgust.


End file.
